


Happily Ever After

by spike_spiegels



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-25 10:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spike_spiegels/pseuds/spike_spiegels
Summary: Unable to deal with their horrific memories, Mikasa and Jean discover an unconventional way to cope.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa is haunted by nightmares, but the sudden discovery of a mysterious book takes her mind off of them.

Mikasa always thought it was funny when others asked her if she had nightmares. No, she didn’t _have_ nightmares. She was _consumed_ by them. After watching the slaughter of her parents, the deaths of her kidnappers, the fall of the city she once called home...It was simply impossible to keep her mind on guard from such awful things at all times, especially while she was asleep.

And yet, she had always managed to keep herself in check. Sure, she couldn't quite hide the bags beneath her eyes or the hoarseness of her throat the next day, but most people jumped to the conclusion that she was up late training again. Mikasa wanted to keep it that way. Whenever she was struck with another nightmare, she refused any release. In the morning, she would push it all aside, as if nothing had ever happened.

That was all she could do to keep from falling apart.

-

Mikasa woke with a gasp.

Her clothes we matted against her skin thanks to the light coating of sweat that seemed to cover every inch of her body. She felt her fingernails digging into the palms of her hands and the ragged breaths sliding past her clenched teeth. Her throat felt as if it had been torn apart.

She found herself here again, trembling beneath her blankets, with her eyes wide open at the dead of night. Without fail, the nightmares had plagued her sleep once again.

"Eren...Armin..."

The only response she received was the quiet snoring of Ymir from the neighboring bunk.

Mikasa swallowed hard to keep the pained grunt from escaping her lips as she swung her legs over the side of her bed. Cautiously, she made her way out of the room, pushing open the door and tiptoeing down the empty halls. It was only during times like this, when all was silent and no one was in sight, that Mikasa would allow herself a small consolation. It was mostly to assure herself that her brother and their friend were alive and breathing in the waking world, no matter what the nightmares had persuaded her to believe. The creaking of the floorboards and pale moonlight shining through the large windows eased her mind, but it was never enough.

She needed to see them.

Mikasa cracked open the door to the boy's quarters, peeking in slightly, just enough to see the signature bed head that was Eren's and to hear the peaceful murmuring of Armin, a habit he's had since they were children. With that, she shut the door, making her way back to her own bed. She could feel her heart slowing as she climbed back beneath her covers and her eyelids grow heavy with every passing moment. By the time they finally shut, the sun had already began to ascend over the horizon.

-

The smell of cleaning materials was almost nauseating as she stood there, legs threatening to give out on her. After a night of fitful sleeping, she wasn't exactly in the mood for any duties and talking to anyone was definitely out of the question. She was thankful that there were no missions at the moment. It'd be quite an embarrassment to be caught snoozing in the middle of a battle for humanity's survival.

Mikasa couldn't bring herself to be a hundred percent there as Levi assigned various chores to the recruits. Her mind seemed to be mulling over her latest dream.

It began the way many of her other nightmares started out, with her screaming the name of someone she held close. Sometimes, it was her parents' names, but most times it was Eren's. She would be running as fast as her legs could take her. But she would never get anywhere. In front of her, assorted events took place. Whether it be the murder of her parents or Eren being devoured by a Titan...She would chase after it. No matter how hard she tried or how far she ran, it was no use. Mikasa would reach out, screeching their name and pleading for it to be over. It always ended with Mikasa being left behind, tears streaming from her cloudy eyes as one last pained call escaped her lips and-

"Do I make myself clear?"

She blinked once, her daydream shattered by Levi's unimpressed voice. How long had he been speaking to her?

"Sorry, sir, I missed that." She said, attempting to collect her thoughts at the same time.

"You'll be upstairs with Braus cleaning out the storage rooms. I expect them to be in order by tonight. Now, I'll ask one more time, Ackerman. Do I make myself clear?" He repeated, his narrowed eyes trained on her tired ones.

Although she would take up any opportunity to argue with Captain Short Stack, she decided to let him have this one. "Crystal."

"Dismissed."

As Levi walked away, Mikasa could feel his cold gaze lingering on her. He seemed to be the only one capable of noticing when she was having one of those days and enjoyed making a deal out of it. She hated him for that. Before she could shoot him her own pointed glare, Sasha poked at her, snapping the black haired girl out of her frustration.

"What was that all about?" Sasha managed to ask between the munching of one of her many morning snacks.

Mikasa turned to search for the Captain, but she was already too late. He had disappeared around the corner towards the stables. Besides, she was too out of it to even attempt settling the score.

"It was nothing. Let's head upstairs."

-

"This is the first time I've actually finished one of Levi's chores. And with two hours to spare! We should get paired up every time Mikasa!"

Mikasa ignored most of Sasha's early celebrations, continuing to sort through the few boxes they had left. The brunette hadn't done much work, opting instead to make a covert trip down to the kitchen, but Mikasa didn't mind much. All she needed to do was keep her brain focused on the task at hand. It was the only thing she could do to keep herself from getting caught up with the nightmares.

The storage rooms were filled with all kinds of junk and old paperwork, not to mention the excessive amount of dust that invaded her nostrils every time she tried to breathe. The only upside was the fact that some of the buried things were actually interesting. Mikasa had collected twelve faded oil paintings, three old dresses with intricate designs and enough reading material to give Armin a heart attack.

Sasha had already abandoned Mikasa by the time she finally finished the last box. It was nearly empty, the only contents being paint, some battered paintbrushes and a book. She ran her hand across the book's leather cover and began flipping through the pages.

It wasn't like any of the other books she had seen that day. All of them had been filled with knowledge and records no doubt important to the survival of humanity. But this one was different. There were pictures, not of Titans or blueprints, but of beautiful women wearing elegant dresses and castles people could only dream of living in. There was writing too, a clean script that must've taken years to master. Why would the Survey Corps have a book like this hiding among its essential documents?

"Mikasa? Are you still up here?" She recognized Krista's voice.

"Yeah, I'm just finishing up."

"Oh, okay. I just wanted to let you know that dinner will be ready soon." She stepped into the room, her blue eyes falling onto the book splayed out in front of Mikasa. "What's that?"

"I don't really know." She said with a shrug, closing it up. "Anyway, thank you for the heads up. I'll be down in a few minutes."

"Of course." With that, the blonde gave that sweet smile of hers and headed out, leaving Mikasa alone once again.

She placed the paint and brushes with the other writing supplies before picking up the book and examining it once more. There were just so many questions she had about it. Why was it here? Who wrote it? What was it about? In a split second decision, Mikasa settled on bringing it with her. Maybe she’d be able to answer at least one of her questions upon further inspection.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While being confronted by Armin, Jean is forced to address more pain and jealousy than he expected.

"Jean, get up."

The brunet rolled over with a groan. It felt like he had closed his eyes only minutes ago.

"Jean! Hello, earth to horse face?! If you don't get out of bed soon, the captain is going to come in here and-"

Jean shifted into a more comfortable arrangement, burying his face into his pillow and pulling the covers over his head. He was just about to fall into another one of his capricious sleeping sessions when a pillow slammed into his head at full force, effectively knocking him out of his bed and probably giving him a concussion in the process.

"Nice shot, Reiner." Jean could practically hear the idiotic grin on Eren's face.

The recruit stumbled to his feet, untangling the blankets from his body. It was one of their many wake up calls, some of which included the ever so original slap to the face, unnecessary loud noises, and the dreaded hand in warm water prank that never got old, especially if Jaeger was the victim.

"Come on! We're going to get stuck with cleaning the horse stables if you don't move your tired ass!" Connie complained, his pants only partially on.

Jean could only respond with a dazed grunt before finally getting dressed for another day of pointless chores.

He knew he couldn't fully blame the others for his lack of sleep. He did, however, blame the terrible memories that his mind had managed to retain. No matter how much he tried to bury them beneath what was happening in the present, they were still there, bubbling just beneath the surface.

Over time, he understood that the best means of defense was pretending. He’d take every single horrific memory, lock them away deep within the confines of his mind and pretend that they didn’t exist. Without them burdening his mind, he could continue being the asshole with the mouth even he couldn't shut if he tried. The smug looks and sharp comebacks came harder these days, but what could he do at this point? He couldn’t let up his facade. He was afraid to see who he really was.

This defense mechanism worked during the day, but he was completely vulnerable at night. When his audience fell asleep, he couldn't pretend anymore. He couldn't pretend it didn't hurt knowing that his best friend had died under his command and he couldn't pretend that thinking about him didn't drive Jean to the edge of madness.

In the dead of every night, he accepted these facts as he stared at the bunk above him and prayed for sleep to take him.

As far as he was concerned, that's how it would always be.

-

"Kirstein and Springer. You’ve got kitchen duties."

There was an audible sigh of relief from Connie, which was immediately stifled as soon as the captain shot a look his way. Jean, unfortunately, was still suffering from the impact of Reiner's feathered weapon as he massaged his temple. He tried to zero in on the captain's small figure, ignoring the blurring at the edges of his vision. Levi paused in front of a certain black haired recruit, the same one that gave Jean a slight heart attack every time he laid eyes on her. It was pretty obvious that he liked Mikasa, as if the blushing and inability to even say a sentence to her didn't give it away, but their relationship was the absolute definition of one sided.

Mikasa was one of the few things he couldn’t pretend to ignore. He found himself fascinated by everything she did, so he made it a point to learn everything he could about her. But, something he wished he hadn’t learned was the fact that that she entered the boy's quarters almost every night to check on Eren. Jean recognized her soft sigh anywhere. And every single time he heard her shut the door to take her leave, he felt felt his heart twist.

The brunet shook his head, clearing his mind of such things. God, if she knew just how creepy he was, she'd probably never talk to him again. Not that they talked in the first place.

She seemed rather...Off today. Her usually refined stance appeared slouched and her eyes had glazed over.

"Do I make myself clear?" Levi's sharp tone tore Jean away from his examinations.

He was surprised by Mikasa's delayed response, first blinking as if she hadn’t realized the captain was there. "Sorry, sir, I missed that."

The captain repeated his orders as Jean studied his fellow recruit. It was so unlike her to be distracted. Whatever it was that seemed to be keeping her attention, it must’ve been pretty important.

"Dismissed."

Just like that, the recruits headed their separate ways, dispersing at Levi's command almost instantly. Jean’s gaze to lingered on Mikasa. The dark bags beneath her eyes became more evident now that she was shooting one of those trademark “I'm gonna make you wish you were eaten by a titan” glares in the direction of the captain, which didn't have as much bite as it usually did. As much as he wanted to ask if everything was alright, he knew better. With the mood she was in, anyone who asked her such a stupid question would probably be charged with accessory to their own murder.

"Those snacks aren't going to eat themselves, Jean!" Connie nudged the taller teen.

Jean blinked, removing his gaze from his black haired comrade and began shuffling in the direction of the kitchen.

-

He hated these moments almost as much as those sleepless nights. Maybe it was the silence, or maybe it was that nagging sensation of being alone. Probably a mixture of both. Although coming face to face with titans was pretty hard to compete with, Jean's mind always seemed to have something even worse in store for him.

While everyone was off doing their own assignments, Jean felt his mind wander as he stood in the emptiness of the kitchen. This, of course, was a dangerous pastime, especially for the brunet. As much as he willed his thoughts to go elsewhere, he always managed to arrive at the same place.

Marco Bott.

His mind loved to dig the freckled soldier out of the pile of memories Jean had tried so hard to suppress.

Marco’s smile was always the first thing to come to mind. It was the most genuine smile Jean had ever seen.

Marco’s words were next. Jean remembers how they moved him, no, pushed him harder than any lecture the captain could ever beat into him.

Then Jean remembers Marco’s body, the way he found it cast aside on the road with a cold look plastered onto what was left of that once warm face.

And he remembers his bones, the way they were unrecognizable and how easily the wind swept them away-

With tears prickling his eyes, Jean brought the knife down harder than necessary. The wave of nausea was like a sucker punch to the stomach. He gagged for a second, tightening his grasp on the slick handle before refocusing his gaze. He certainly wasn't finished yet.

He blamed Connie for these sickening daydreams. Jean’s so called partner was supposed to be handling the food while Jean finished the dishes. Now Connie was nowhere to be found. Jean stared down at the rather sharp blade he was using on the onion, the most annoying ingredient in tonight's dinner. He knew as well as the next person that this was a pretty stupid way to get your mind off something as depressing as remembering your dead best friend...but chores were chores.

He began chopping again, allowing his mind to become fully immersed in the steady rhythm he had set. This was good...Well, better than daydreaming about the past. Pretty much anything was better than that. He didn't bother stopping the tears rolling down his cheeks. 

“Everyone cries when they chop onions,” Jean murmured, reassuring himself.

There was a knock at the door.

Startled by the noise, Jean loosened his grip on the handle and the blade fell from his grasp, nicking the end of his index finger. The blood welled up at the small incision and the sharp pain was enough to remove him from his thoughts. With a hiss, he turned to answer the door.

It could have been Connie, returning to finish his chores, but that would only happen if hell managed to freeze over. Or, it could have been Sasha who was well known for trying to weasel her way into an early dinner.

What he didn't expect to find was Armin. His gaze shot up the moment he heard the door creak open, examining Jean with those blue eyes of his.

They stared at each other for a few long moments before Jean understood why Armin was giving him questioning looks. He glanced down at his hand, realizing that he had brought the knife with him to the door. His finger was still dripping blood along the base of the blade. The brunet blinked, his eyes still a bit cloudy from the stench induced tears he had been crying just a few seconds ago.

"Were you thinking-"

"No." Jean responded, swiftly cutting him off. "I was just chopping onions."

Were you thinking about Marco? That was about the last thing he wanted to hear right now. He thought that was the end of it, but what he wasn't expecting was the four words that left Armin’s lips.

"You can stop pretending."

That was a bit too close to home. It took every bit of willpower Jean could muster to not slam the door in his comrade's face.

Jean allowed himself one shallow breath before letting the remark slide. "What do you want?"

Armin raised an eyebrow in surprise, completely thrown off by Jean’s even tone. "Oh...um, mind if we go inside?"

Jean shrugged, leading Armin into the kitchen and closing the door behind them. He set down the knife beside the unfinished onion before taking a seat directly across from Armin. He had never really noticed how strange it felt when it was just the two of them. Jean felt like the blond was piecing him together like some puzzle.

"Eren and I finished our chores a bit early, so I wanted to check in with you." Armin started out hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

“What is this? A doctor’s visit?” Jean scoffed.

"It’s just that you’ve been acting...not like yourself lately. You haven’t said a word during dinner for the past week and not even one curse this morning after your rude awakening. On top of that, you had no reaction to my comment about Marco earlier." All the hesitation in Armin’s voice had disappeared. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”

Jean was beginning to regret not slamming the door in his comrade’s face when he had the chance. Of course Armin would notice every single detail.

"And here I thought I had to pay to see a psychologist." Jean replied through clenched teeth. He was cornered by the facts, but he couldn’t let anything show. "Look, I just haven’t been getting enough sleep, okay?" That was the truth...most of it anyway.

Armin's eyes narrowed. “You can stop pretending,” he said again, more forcefully this time around. “Marco’s death took a toll on all of us, but I know it hit you the hardest. It’s okay to miss him, but think about what he would have wanted. He would have wanted you to keep moving forward. He would have wanted you to be happy.”

Jean felt something inside him come undone. Restraint went out the window and his blood roared so loudly in his ears that he couldn’t even hear himself think.

"And how the hell would you know what he wanted?!" Jean snarled dangerously as he shot up from his seat, the table trembling with his force.

"I don’t!" Armin stood as well, although he lacked the aggression Jean had backing his stance. "I don’t know for sure, but when my grandfather died, that’s what I believed he wanted for me. I can only believe that’s what someone would want for their friend."

Jean’s fingers curled into fists.

"Shut the fuck up, Armin! Marco was all I had. You still have Eren and Mikasa. So, answer me this. What would happen if they were both taken from you?" Jean leaned forward, his amber eyes clashing with Armin’s blue ones fiercely. "Would you still be able to be happy then?"

Before Armin could respond, Jean had excused himself. He stormed past the unfinished onions blinded by intense anger. The last thing he could do was go back to chores, especially ones that involved knives. As the brunet reached the door, Armin called to him.

"Marco wasn’t all you had. You have us...your friends. You just have to let us in."

Jean paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob.

He had let someone in. And now his lifeless face haunted him every single day.

Without another word, Jean marched out, fists clenched tight enough to turn his fingertips purple.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa tries her hand at reading for the first time.

“Are you gonna finish that?”

Mikasa’s eyes darted up from the table to see Sasha leaning over from the other side.

Mikasa had been pushing the now cold food around her plate with a fork for the entirety of dinner. Her curiosity for the leatherbound book that was now hiding behind her pillow in the girl’s quarters had taken the place of her appetite. Although she had only flipped through it for a minute, the vivid colors of the dresses and intricate script at the bottom of each page had been seared into her brain.

She needed to get a better look at that book.

“Help yourself,” Mikasa finally responded, pushing her plate towards Sasha.

Her comrade tried to thank her through all the food she was currently stuffing into her mouth, but Mikasa had already excused herself from the table. While all the girls were in the commons, she would be able to examine the book in peace. As soon as she was out of sight of the other recruits, she quickly made her way back to her room.

-

Now that Mikasa thought about it, she realized that she had never actually read a book.

As children, Eren and Armin would occupy themselves with the book left to Armin by his late grandfather. She tried to pay attention as Armin read about what might exist beyond the walls, but the information always went in one ear and out the other for Mikasa. Lands of ice and a body of water filled with salt? Those descriptions seemed like nothing more than fiction, definitely not something that could be rooted in reality. 

Nothing changed during her time as a trainee. The textbooks assigned to every student remained unopened on her desk. It was easier to get Armin to fill in the holes of what she hadn’t picked up from their instructor’s lecture rather than looking through diagrams and infuriatingly small text she often associated with books.

Yet, as she pulled the weathered book out from behind her pillow, she felt captivated by it.

Her dissection of the book began with its cover. There was no title, only a complex arrangement of what she assumed to be ivy. She traced her fingers along the swirling lines carved into the leather before opening it. The slightly discolored pages felt so ancient between her fingertips as she flipped past a few blank ones.

Mikasa gasped.

The first thing she was greeted by was a painting of a forest so beautiful that she felt her mouth gape a little. The sky shone a brilliant blue above the towering trees. Just below the canopy, small creatures roamed. She spotted a squirrel scampering up the base of one of the trees and a deer ambling about nearby. Mikasa felt as if she had transcended the pages and was now surrounded by woodlands teeming with life. She could practically hear the distant splashing of a river and the aroma of pines.

She had known this landscape once. It felt like a lifetime ago, but she remembered back to when she was a child. Just as the sun began to set, her parents would take her through the forest behind their house to a field on the other side. As they made their way through the trees, Mikasa would catch glimpses of the wildlife from the corners of her eyes. The grass crunched beneath a rabbit’s foot as they leapt out of sight and Mikasa would stare in the direction of it’s escape until her mother finally urged her along. When they finally arrived at the field, they would gaze at the stars above.

Her father would point to those stars and ask if she could find the swan or the fishes up there, but no matter how hard Mikasa looked, the stars remained nothing more than tiny dots twinkling above. Her mother would laugh and assure her that it was okay, that she and her father would continue to take her out there until she saw the beautiful creatures assembled by the celestial bodies above, even if it took forever.

Forever was a lot shorter than Mikasa could have ever imagined.

She shook her head as if it would shake the memories right out of her head. This was no time to get sidetracked. Mikasa returned her attention to the book and noticed she had neglected the words at the bottom of the page. She narrowed her eyes, trying to decipher the elegant cursive.

“Sleeping Beauty?”

Floorboards squeaked just beyond the door. Footsteps.

Mikasa jumped up from her bed and began changing into her training outfit. Just how long had she been staring at that picture? She glanced out the window. The orange hue present in the sky when she began her examination had been long replaced by darkness. It must have been at least an hour.

The door swung open. Ymir came marching in with Krista in tow. Steam rose off Ymir’s still wet hair as she watched Mikasa fasten her gloves. “Training again? I swear, it’s like you never sleep.”

Krista followed Ymir in, but the blonde came to an abrupt halt at the foot of Mikasa’s bed. “Isn’t that the book you found…” she trailed off, tilting her head in question as she looked over the book resting on Mikasa’s covers.

Just as the blonde reached out the grab the book, Mikasa swiped it off her bed, holding it flush against her chest. Mikasa had already backed up towards the exit before giving Krista a blunt explanation.

“It looked interesting.”

And then she was gone, out of the room and down the hallway before either Krista or Ymir could respond. They peeked their heads out the door, gazing after their comrade in complete confusion.

“Weird. I didn’t take her for the reading type,” Ymir murmured.

“Me neither,” Krista agreed.

-

Mikasa felt the night air creeping in through the windows as she wandered the halls. She was still reeling from seeing that painting. Every time she blinked, she swore she was there, surrounded by that forest. To think that one page had so much power, she could hardly imagine what the rest of the book had in store for her. Just the thought of it had Mikasa’s body quivering with excitement.

Stop getting ahead of yourself. She inhaled the crisp air slowly, trying to find something to tether her thoughts to before they got out of hand. The words below the picture came to mind. Sleeping Beauty. Was that the title? What could that possibly mean? Was it a person or-

Mikasa heard the dull thump before she actually processed the impact. She stumbled backwards, but quickly regained her footing. She kept her gaze locked on the floor as she tried to understand what had just happened. This was the route she took to the boys’ quarters every night. She knew it like the back of her hand and yet she didn’t remember a wall right-

“Fuck...”

Last time she checked, walls didn’t curse.

Surprised, Mikasa’s eyes shot up to see Jean a few steps in front of her, doubled over in what she assumed to be pain. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed him approaching.

“Sorry,” Mikasa said.

Jean’s eyes met hers and widened. Mikasa watched as his mouth gaped before finally taking a long breath and straightening out.

“No, that was all me. I was spacing out there, sorry.”

He gave her a lopsided grin as she nodded, acknowledging both of their faults. Mikasa would have left it at that, but Jean remained frozen solid in the middle of her path. It wasn’t only his body that seemed frozen in place, but his eyes as well. She waited for his amber eyes to wander elsewhere, but they remained locked with hers.

After a few moments of this staring contest, Mikasa finally ventured to ask, “Did you need something?”

Jean’s reaction was a bit faster this time around. He raised his hands up to his chest in a surrender. “No, nothing, sorry. Just...spacing again.”

“Well, goodnight,” Mikasa said.

“Goodnight.”

Mikasa stepped around her comrade and continued down the hall. She figured that the exercising room would be empty at this time and decided that it would be the perfect place to continue reading. She settled down in the furthest corner of the room, where the moon’s light was just enough for her to make out what was on each page. She flipped past the forest scenery, knowing full well that she could spend the whole night picking out new details from the picture. What Mikasa needed to know is: what is Sleeping Beauty? The only way to find out was to begin reading.

That’s where the challenge began. Mikasa, with zero completed books under her belt, spent a long time on each page. While the illustrations were certainly breathtaking, the dominant emotion Mikasa experienced throughout the first reading was frustration. She found herself constantly lost in the maze that was the story. Questions piled up faster than answers and by the time she reached the end, she was completely confused. She took a breath, lit a candle beside her and started again. This time around, she made sure to take note of words she didn’t recognize and analyze the accompanying paintings for clues. Armin would be receiving a barrage of questions the following morning, that much was for sure.

Her examinations continued throughout the night and well into the morning. By the time Mikasa brought herself to close the book, it was already halfway through breakfast. She snuck past the the commons where she could her the chatter of the others and crept into the girls’ room, careful to check if there were any occupants remaining. With the all clear, Mikasa proceeded to change into her uniform and placed the book back behind her pillow.

-

“Ackerman, Kirstein, you’ve got the storeroom.”

“Yes, sir.” Mikasa responded. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake two days in a row.

Even though she was just as tired as she was on any day of the week, today’s exhaustion felt a bit different. It wasn’t the usual distracted and drained feeling she had grown used to. Instead, she was more alert than ever and her heart thumped against her chest with such force that she was sure that she would fall forward. So this is the excitement that comes with reading a book. I think I can understand where Armin was coming from all those years ago.

Armin. She had missed her chance to ask him about the vocabulary used in the book. The sun had just come over the horizon and her questions would continue to eat away at her until it set again.

It was going to be a very long day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean seizes an opportunity to get to know Mikasa.

Jean couldn’t bring himself to return to the kitchen. He didn’t care if that meant getting his ass handed to him by the captain tomorrow. As long as Marco remained fresh in his mind, it was probably a good idea to stay away from Armin and the knives.

He wandered the outskirts of the property, kicking whatever pebbles he found in his path. He ran his fingers over the small crescent shaped indentations left in his palm. If he had curled his fists any tighter, it would have been enough to draw blood.

Of all his comrades, Jean would have never expected it to be Armin to cut that deep into him. But that was the thing about Armin, he was always underestimated. Jean was just one of many to get blindsided by the soldier. That was part of the reason why he wasn’t entirely furious with Armin, but furious nonetheless.

“That asshole could preach all day about the power of friendship. But at the end of the day, it wouldn’t make a difference,” Jean said to no one in particular.

By the time he finished gathering his thoughts, the sun had already disappeared behind the horizon. Now that his blood had finished boiling, Jean noticed just how cold it had become. The drop in temperature and the growling of his stomach was enough to persuade him to head back inside.

Jean snagged a roll from the kitchen before entering the mess hall. The room was completely deserted save for the scraps of food that littered the tables.

“Some of these soldiers are pigs,” Jean murmured with a certain brown haired potato freak coming to mind.

As much as it irritated him, Jean stuck around to clean up. He was assigned kitchen duty after all and since he had bailed earlier, this should be enough to make up for it. He collected the food remains in silence, replaying his argument with Armin over and over again in his head. While he had retaliated against comrade with an honesty that was surprisingly refreshing to Jean, he still berated himself for losing his cool. Now, he would have yet another experience to add to his collection of things that he pretended never happened. All he would have to do is wave Armin off every time the soldier would bring it up the conversation. Armin was just one person. An incredibly observant and incessantly proactive person, but one person nonetheless.

Jean sighed as he dropped the scraps into the trash. The plan was simple and all he had to do now was stick with it.

-

Light leaked out from the bottom of the door as Jean approached the boy’s room. There was a faint whispering he could just barely make out. He pressed his back onto the wall beside the entrance and closed his eyes, focusing in on the conversation.

“So? Did you get to talk to him?”

“A little. He stormed out before I could get a definitive answer from him.”

“Ah, that would explain why I saw him circling the property earlier. And his absence from dinner.”

“Yeah. But it was my fault. I went in a bit more aggressive than I initially planned. Still, what we did get to talk about was enough. We were right to worry about him. It seems like the loss of Marco has been seared into his mind. Because of that, he shut himself up behind insurmountable walls.”

“Insurmountable, huh? Then what’s the point of doing all this?”

“Because we’re his friends. While that should be reason enough, there’s also the fact that we’re soldiers. We can’t just wait until his mind shuts down from all the stress he must be enduring. If that happens on an expedition, Jean won’t be the only one in danger.”

“Okay, okay. We get it Armin. Look, we’ll just keep at it. I was able to sneak away from our chores to give Armin an opening to talk to Jean. We can just keep doing that until he opens up. Alright?”

Jean couldn’t help the dry laugh that erupted from his lips. He muffled the sound by clapping a trembling hand over his mouth, but even that could barely contain it. The situation was far worse than he could have imagined. It wasn’t only Armin who was in on this intervention, it was all of them. And just a minute ago, Jean had been saying how simple everything would be. He should have known better: nothing in his life was ever simple.

“Goddamnit,” Jean couldn’t help the curse.

There was no way he would be able to enter that room of watchful eyes, let alone sleep there. Why couldn’t they just mind their own damn business? Just as he resigned himself to sleeping in the commons for the night, Jean heard a new voice join the conversation.

“Just let him do his thing. Jean is going to be Jean, no matter how many times you try to beat something into that thick skull of his.”

Jean knew that voice anywhere. Eren.

“But, Eren—”

“Either he’ll come around or he won’t. The choice is his.”

Jean felt a surge a gratitude for his comrade, but then he remembered that this was Eren talking. Without seeing the expression on Eren’s face, Jean couldn’t tell if Eren had said all of this because he disliked the idea of helping Jean or if he trusted Jean’s choices to solve the problem. It was most likely the former, but Jean was happy with the fact that even one person was not a fan of this plan. That’s one more person on Jean’s side and he would take what he would get, even if it so happened to be the biggest idiot in the Scouts.

He pushed himself off his post at the wall and continued past the boy’s room towards the commons. The whole way down the hall, Jean kicked himself for the flaws in this mask he had prided himself on. If only he had been able to hide his exhaustion better or maybe bit his tongue when he was about to snap at one of the other boys. If only he was better at hiding everything, he wouldn’t be the focus of this shit show.

The frustrated sigh had just barely left his lips when all of his breath was knocked clean out of him. He grasped at his chest as he took a step back, gulping in whatever air he could manage.

“Fuck…” Jean managed to wheeze out between gasps.

“Sorry.”

He looked up to see who he had walked into, but he felt his heart stop when he found two gray eyes staring back at him. They were unmistakable, those eyes. They were the same ones that Jean would see each night, reflecting the moonlight and watching over the boy in the bunk across from his.

Mikasa.

He took a breath, more for his nerves than the lack of air in his lungs, and straightened up immediately. His mind was racing, sorting through his vocabulary to piece together a response for the girl that stood before him.

“No, that was all me. I was spacing out there, sorry.”

While he mentally congratulated himself for getting out a comprehensible sentence, he was also reminding himself how much of an idiot he was for using up all his brain power to think of a eleven word response. But, he could save all of those thoughts for later. Right now, he just wanted to make the most of this accident.

C’mon, Jean. You have a little bit left in you. Say something to her. Anything!

His vision blurred as he began make a list of options. He could ask her where she’s headed, but he could already see she was dressed in her workout clothes. So, that’s a dead end. Maybe he could ask why she was carrying around a heavy ass book. Jean knew firsthand just how thick that book was considering it had been lodged into his chest just a few seconds ago. He had never seen her reading before...no, that makes it sound like he’s watching her all the time.

God, why was this so hard?

“Did you need something?”

Jean’s surroundings came back into focus and he found Mikasa examining him with her head tilted in question. His hands shot up out of instinct.

“No, nothing, sorry. Just...spacing again,” said Jean.

Mikasa blinked and gave a small nod before bidding him goodnight. Jean returned the farewell halfheartedly. He stood there and listened as the crisp clicking of Mikasa’s footsteps faded.

And once again, he was alone.

-

The commons were the perfect place to get away from the boys planning his friendship intervention, but the room lacked a bed. Jean settled for the table aligned with a window. He didn’t know how long he laid there, but he kept his eyes on the night sky sprawled out in front of him.

Jean knew he should be thinking about a way to get the other guys of his back, but his mind kept coming back to his exchange with Mikasa. As frustrating as it was to rewind his awkwardness and point out places where he could have said something witty, he couldn’t help the way his lips curled at the corners when he thought about her. He would take a restless night of thinking her steely eyes and jet black hair over one spent mulling over fallen comrades any day.

By the time he got his heart to settle enough to even close his eyes and attempt to sleep, the sun had already begun peeking over the horizon.

-

He knew he looked terrible. That’s probably because he felt terrible as well. Not only was Jean’s back stiff as hell, but he was running on about one hour’s worth of sleep and it looked like he had just taken a suckerpunch to each eye.

“Damn dude, what the hell happened to you?” Connie whispered as he nudged Jean with his elbow.

The two boys were standing shoulder to shoulder in their lineup as they awaited for the captain’s assignments for the day. Jean’s brain had barely registered that his comrade had spoken before coming up with some half assed response.

“Couldn’t sleep last night. I went to the training room and lost track of time.”

Connie gave him a skeptical blink, but before he could question any further, his head snapped forward at the sound of a door opening. The captain stepped out and, without a second to waste, began assigning chores.

“Ackerman, Kirstein, you’ve got the storeroom.”

Now he knew for sure that he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. That was the only explanation for why he must be daydreaming so early on in the morning. Or, that’s what Jean would have thought if not for Mikasa’s response of confirmation. Jean stared at the girl that stood in the line across from him, just to make sure he wasn’t completely losing it. Her eyes seemed to be distant, but he knew the instant that they locked with his that this was the real deal.

“Y-yes sir,” Jean finally responded.

He wasn’t sure if his luck was successively getting better or worse. Sure, he’d get to have one-on-one time with the girl he had a huge crush on, but it just had to be on the day Jean happened to look like a zombie and the day after an incredibly awkward encounter. No, the rest of his life was already a complete mess, so he just had to commit to this. He was going to enjoy this, even if it killed him.

He took a deep breath and, for the first time that morning, he was ready to take on the day.

-

Jean didn’t really know what he expected. Maybe that they’d hit it off and they’d talk up a storm as they took inventory of the storeroom. Of course, that wasn’t the case. For the past two hours, he had been standing in the corner of the cramped and dusty room with a clipboard in hand, jotting down whatever Mikasa counted.

“Ten bags of flour,” said Mikasa in her usual disinterested tone.

“Right.”

Jean had never felt so defeated in his life. There he was, the girl he was head-over-heels for mere feet away from him and all he could do is listen to her count groceries. There had to be something, anything really, that they could talk about.

“Five bags of rice. We’ll have to report a restock on that one, but other than that, we’re done,” said Mikasa, climbing down from the ladder.

And, just like that, the perfect opportunity had slipped out of his fingers once again. In two whole hours, he couldn’t even think of a single thing worth talking about. It was a fact now: his luck was definitely getting worse.

Jean recorded the last number in silence and opened the door. He didn’t know how long he was going to kick himself over this incident, but he knew it was going to be for a very long—

“Do you know what a dragon is?”

Jean paused. He turned back towards his chore partner with a look of what could be described as complete confusion plastered on his face.

“A dragon?”

Mikasa nodded meekly, her hand tightening around one of the rungs of the ladder. He had heard her right, but that didn’t explain why she had asked the question.

Well, that was as good as any conversation topic Jean could have thought of. It seemed opportunity hadn’t completely escaped his grasp. And so, Jean took hold of it and swore to himself that he would never let go.

“A dragon is like a big lizard with wings. It usually breathes fire and keeps princesses from leaving castles.”

He was surprised to see how much Mikasa’s eyes lit up in response to his explanation. She released the ladder and took a step towards him. Jean felt a mixture of hesitation and excitement as she closed the gap between them.

“What about a spinning wheel? Do you know what that is?”

Jean took a step backwards into the door, pressing his only opening for escape closed. Mikasa was now only inches away from him and that fact was made abundantly clear as his heart picked up the pace. He was self conscious and completely bewildered, but those feelings seemed to fade into the background as he examined her face. Her eyes were wide and her lips were pressed into a tight line. The face he had come to know as emotionless now displayed a look of insatiable curiosity. And she wore that look beautifully.

“It’s something used to spin thread. You wouldn’t happen to be talking about Sleeping Beauty, would you?”

She jumped back as if she had been struck by lightning. Jean realized he must have hit the nail on the head considering the now shocked expression on her face.

“How did you know?” Mikasa asked in a voice just barely above a whisper.

Jean thought about it for a second. “It just sounded familiar. From what I remember, Sleeping Beauty is the only fairy tale that had both a dragon and a spinning wheel.”

Mikasa watched him silence for awhile. Jean could tell she was trying to decide on something as her eyes moved back and forth. After a few minutes, she came to a conclusion.

“Can I show you something?”

For once, Jean didn’t have to think before responding. Whatever she needed, he was all in. 

He nodded.

“Come with me.”

Mikasa moved past him and opened the door. Jean followed with the faintest smile gracing his lips.

Mentally, he made a note to thank his mom for constantly reading him fairy tales before bed. If he knew that would be the ticket to finally getting to know Mikasa better, he wouldn’t have complained as much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa asks Jean to help her complete the book, but gets more than she bargained for.

Mikasa didn’t know why she had said it. All she knew is that the words had left her lips before she had time to even think them through. The whole time she and Jean had been taking stock, there was an incessant clawing at the back of her mind where she had buried her Sleeping Beauty questions until she had the time to discuss with Armin. But as her comrade turned to leave the room, Mikasa could no longer keep the lid on them and they all came spilling out.

The utterly confused expression plastered on Jean’s face only seemed to highlight her slip in control. In that moment, she felt embarrassed. She wanted more than anything to pluck those stupid words right out of the air and swallow them back down. She grabbed onto the nearest object, which happened to be a rung of the ladder she had just been standing on, as if to brace herself.

“A dragon?”

All she could do was nod.

Silence hung in the air around them. Mikasa couldn’t even bring herself to look up from the floorboards. She didn’t want to see the disturbed look on her fellow soldier’s face. She willed him to laugh or to leave the storeroom, anything that would end this waiting. The floorboards creaked as Jean shifted his weight and Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut.

“A dragon is like a big lizard with wings. It usually breathes fire and keeps princesses from leaving castles,” Jean answered evenly.

Mikasa’s eyes shot open and she swung her head up, staring straight at her comrade. The painting of the enormous black monster from the book flashed in her mind. It was exactly as he described it: the monster had scales and a tail much like a lizard with the addition of large wings. She also remembered the brilliant flames that erupted from its jaws as it barred the prince from saving the princess.

She let go of the rung as she took a step forward. How could he have known that? Was this monster common knowledge that she ignorant to or did he know of Sleeping Beauty as well? There was only one way to find out.

“What about a spinning wheel? Do you know what that is?” Mikasa pressed further.

Jean took a step back and pressed up against the door behind him. For a split second, Mikasa panicked. She didn’t want him to leave, not when there were a million questions bouncing around in her head. Jean could have the answers to all of them. All she had to do was get them out of him. But as his amber eyes watched her in hesitation, she understood she was pushing him too hard. This was a dead end.

In that moment, Jean’s gaze softened. “It’s something used to spin thread. You wouldn’t happen to be talking about Sleeping Beauty, would you?”

And there it was. It was so sudden that Mikasa stumbled backwards. It was almost as if he had read her mind. Though, it wouldn't have been that hard considering how much she was mentally pleading for answers. The curiosity and impatience must’ve been as clear as day on her face. She was embarrassed, to say the very least, but that wasn’t going to stop her. Not now that she had received confirmation that both of them were on the same page.

“How did you know?” Mikasa asked.

“It just sounded familiar. From what I remember, Sleeping Beauty is the only fairy tale that had both a dragon and a spinning wheel.”

Fairy tale? Mikasa had never heard that term before, but she knew it had everything to do with that book. And, just now, Jean had said that he was able to identify the story based on two characteristics. That must mean he knew more of these fairy tales.

Mikasa knew what she needed to do to get the answers to those questions.

“Can I show you something?”

All the hesitation had disappeared from his face. What existed there now was a look of excitement that mirrored her own.

He nodded.

“Come with me,” she said as she moved towards the exit.

-

The halls were completely empty as Mikasa made her way towards the girls’ room with Jean in tow. It would be another few hours before anyone else finished their chores which made it the perfect time to uncover the book.

“Wait here,” Mikasa said as the two came to a halt in front of the girls’ room.

She stepped in, double-checking that there was no one in sight, and removed the book from behind her pillow. She was in and out of the room in mere seconds. The two then found themselves sitting side by side in the commons with the book lying closed in front of them.

Jean was the first one to break the silence. “So, this is where you read Sleeping Beauty?”

Mikasa nodded, flipping the book open to the page with the title and the painting of the forest. She turned towards Jean, watching him take in the scenery just as she did the night before. There was something exhilarating about seeing the greens of the painting reflect in his amber eyes and watching the way his lips pursed as he looked over the picture top to bottom, noting every minute detail the image held. His hand reached out to the page, but it stopped suddenly and hung in the air. Jean blinked before turning to meet Mikasa’s gaze. She released a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

“May I?” Jean asked, moving his head in the direction of his hand.

She was surprised by his asking for permission. “Go ahead.”

Jean proceeded with his examinations, carefully taking hold of the corner of each page and turning it over. Mikasa was once again surprised by his gentleness. It was nothing like the brash and loud-mouthed soldier she had seen up until this point. But, the again, had she really been seeing him?

“Looks like this book is a collection of fairy tales,” Jean said as he reached the end. “My mom used to have one like this, nowhere near as fancy though.”

“You’re done?” Mikasa asked. They had only been sitting there for an hour.

Jean raised his eyebrows in question. “Well, fairy tales are usually for children. They’re a much easier read compared to those textbooks we had to read during our trainee years.”

Mikasa nodded her head slowly. She had struggled that whole night to understand just one of those stories. Had she really been that far behind everyone else?

“But don’t worry,” Jean suddenly cut into her thoughts. “Reading isn’t for everyone.”

He offered her a smile and she knew it was genuine. He wasn’t looking down on her, but she couldn’t help the lingering feeling of not being good enough. She wanted, no, needed to improve.

Mikasa realized then that it hadn’t been a mistake that she asked Jean about the fairy tales. She had continuously relied on both Eren and Armin her entire life, therefore blind to this gap in ability. But, as Jean smiled at her, she knew that he was the person who was going to help her close that gap.

“Do you think…” she began slowly, making sure she got this right the first time around. She wasn’t going to just blurt out her thoughts like last time. This was a formal request for assistance and it was only fair that Jean knew to the full extent what he was about to get himself into. “Do you think you could help me read this?”

Jean never took his gaze off of her. “Of course.” He flipped the book open again, past Sleeping Beauty and onto the next fairy tale. “Let’s start with this one.”

The title page was very different from the last one Mikasa had seen. Instead of greens and browns, there were only different shades of blue from top to bottom. The sky met the body of water at the horizon which made the painting feel incredibly vast. Endless.

“The Little Mer...Mermaid?” Mikasa knew this was going to be quite the ordeal.

“That’s right. A mermaid is a creature with the upper body of a woman and the tail of a fish. Because they’re part fish, they have to live in the ocean,” said Jean.

“Ocean. I think Armin mentioned that before…” Mikasa tried to think back to when they were kids. She pictured herself sitting next to Armin with the book spread open on his lap. When she had peered over, she saw waves lapping at the shore and the sun glinting over the surface of the blue expanse.

“I’m not really sure what that is myself, but I think it’s like a really big lake.”

Mikasa nodded. “Armin said they were filled with salt.”

“Oh yeah? If Armin said so, it must be true,” Jean said as he flipped to the next page.

They continued like that for the rest of the afternoon. Mikasa read aloud while Jean listened beside her, answering her questions and correcting her pronunciation as she progressed further in the story. Every time Mikasa began to get frustrated with the abundance of questions that kept coming up, Jean reassured her that it was fine.

“Just keep going,” he would tell her.

She was surprised by his patience, but she followed his advice, pushing on until she reached the final page of the story.

“And they lived happily ever after. The end,” Mikasa read. The words sounded familiar. “That’s weird. Sleeping Beauty ended with the same words.”

“Weird?” Jean laughed in response. “That’s what makes fairy tales fairy tales, Mikasa,” he grinned. “They always end happily.”

She felt something strange then. Her heart began to race, but it wasn’t out of fear or adrenaline. Her breathing quickened as well and it took all she had not to ball her hands into fists. The fact that she didn’t know the cause only made it worse.

Mikasa’s confusion was interrupted by chatter coming from outside. Jean stood up and looked out the window.

“I guess our lesson ends here.”

Mikasa was both thankful for the interruption and irritated by it. She wanted to keep reading with Jean, but a moment longer with him and her heart might of ended up exploding.

“You should go and hide your book,” said Jean. “Everyone’s going to be coming in for dinner soon.”

Mikasa nodded and stood up as well, but before she moved any further, she paused.

“We’ll be able to do this again, right?” Mikasa knew she sounded like a child and she hated it, but she needed to know.

“Of course. You’re like my student now, I can’t just abandon your lessons,” he wore that lopsided smirk of his.

She left the commons before any of the other soldiers showed up. The girls’ quarters was still empty as she placed to book back behind her pillow. It was then that Mikasa realized her fingers were trembling uncontrollably. Was this the aftermath of what she had felt earlier with Jean? She took a seat at the foot of her bed and held her head in her hands. No, it couldn’t be. Mikasa chalked it up to the combination of everything else: the lack of sleep, food and the excitement of reading the book.

She wanted to put that unexplainable feeling out of her head entirely. To put it simply, the feeling scared her. For it to come on so suddenly with such force, Mikasa knew she wasn’t in control.

And yet, she was unsatisfied. How could she be content with not knowing the cause of such a feeling? Mikasa resolved herself. She would find the source of the feeling, even if it made her feel like she was about to faint.

-

Jean and Mikasa’s meetings continued throughout the next two weeks. Mikasa would race through her chores, swiftly making preparations for dinner or cleaning the stables or whatever chore was in store for her that particular day. And then she would excuse herself, often leaving her chore partner in a complete daze.

“You’re in a hurry today,” Armin pointed out one day as the pair polished 3D maneuver gear.

Mikasa paused at the doorway of the armory. “I have somewhere to be,” she responded without turning towards her friend. Before she could take another step, Armin spoke up again.

“And where would that be?”

That one was a bit harder to answer. But, she didn’t falter. She saw that calculating look in his eyes, one she had seen countless times since she had met Armin.

“Not here.”

She was gone before he could interrogate her any further, but she knew that there was enough in that short exchange to get Armin to start brainstorming. He was sharp and would no doubt come up with the answer. As long as it wasn’t today, Mikasa would be fine with that.

She would wait for Jean in the commons. Mikasa would sit there, her eyes closed, and try to remember the words that had tripped her up before. She would sound them out and recite the definitions to herself over and over again until she heard the footsteps. It was always easy to identify them as Jean’s. The way they clicked down the hallway quickly and slowed just before the entrance. He would take five more steps past the threshold and then he would say—

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

She would open her eyes then and he would be there, panting ever so slightly with a wide grin on his face.

“I wasn’t waiting long.”

-

“You mean...she eats children? That’s horrible.”

“That’s kinda the point, Mikasa. She’s a witch after all.”

Today’s reading was a bit different than those from before. Instead of the commons and the midday sun, the pair found themselves outside beneath the moon. There had been an incident involving warm water (Mikasa wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that) in the boys’ room that quickly got out of hand. Levi stormed in and swiftly put all of them in their place by doubling their workload. By the time Mikasa saw Jean, it was past dinner and he was already apologizing profusely.

And that’s why they were there, finishing up Hansel and Gretel long after their comrades had fallen asleep.

“Are you sure you’re okay with being up this late?” Jean asked.

“It’s fine. I don’t get much sleep anyway.”

There was a peaceful silence between them. The full moon shone down on them, casting long shadows across the grass. The leaves of the trees above danced with the gentle breeze of the night. Mikasa found herself gazing out towards the stars and suddenly she was reminded of the times she had tried to piece them together into constellations.

“I used to sit outside with my parents on nights like this. My dad would try to teach me constellations while my mom watched.”

That was a memory she had never even shared with Eren, let alone anyone else. But, right now, as Jean sat beside her, it felt fitting. Perfect, almost.

“Where are your parents now?”

“They were killed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t make it any less painful.”

Mikasa turned to him and found him gazing into the treeline. Spoken like a person who knew all too well. She knew she couldn’t lie to him.

“You’re right. I still think about them. That’s part of the reason why I don’t sleep.”

“And the other reason?”

“Eren and Armin. I’m always thinking about how they could end up like my parents. They could be cut down or eaten right in front of me and I wouldn’t be able to do a thing.”

The words flowed out of her naturally. Mikasa had never thought of sharing her nightmares with someone else. She felt a bit lighter now.

“We’re in the same boat then. I felt the same way when I found Marco’s body. Like I was completely helpless. And now, every time I close my eyes, he’s there,” Jean gave a dry laugh as he kept his eyes glued to whatever darkness lay in those woods. “That’s why I’m better off alone.”

“But you’re not alone,” Mikasa said simply. “I’m here.”

He turned to her then. His eyes were set ablaze by the moon’s light and Mikasa was breathless.

“Thank you,” he said.

And there it was again. That feeling from before. Her stomach twisted and her heart pounded hard enough to crack her ribs. She realized then, as she stared back at Jean, that this was nothing like her nightmares. It wasn’t something to be afraid of.

As much as she savored the feeling she got from being with him, she couldn’t handle it for long periods of time, especially in front of Jean. Mikasa forced herself to grab a hold of the page and turned it over, giving her an excuse to look away from Jean.

She was met with a blank page.

She tried again, only to be met with another plain sheet of paper. Mikasa kept turning the pages, trying to keep her fingers from trembling. It wasn’t until she came to the leather backside of the book that she understood: they had finished the book.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean reflects on why he is so guarded with his emotions and finds himself doing whatever it takes to prolong his time with Mikasa.

Ever since Jean started spending time with Mikasa, he had noticed a decrease in Marco’s appearance in both his nightmares and daydreams. Instead, he had spent the time replaying moments with Mikasa, cataloging everything she had said or done.

Tonight, as he stared up at the bunk above him, he went through the events of the day. Jean started with the line up, how he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the girl standing across from him. Mikasa stood up a bit straighter than before, not to mention the lack of bags under her eyes. Her gaze still seemed distant, but her her eyes weren’t as cloudy now. Jean might be giving himself more credit than he deserved, but since she started reading with him, she’s looked...happier.

He could have stood there all day, but he was interrupted by Levi’s command.

“Arlert, Kirstein, kitchen.”

Things had taken a turn for the worst. For the past few days, he had been getting paired with girls, therefore he was able to evade the boys’ efforts to get him to open up. Now, he had to confront the mastermind of the whole intervention head on. Jean could already feel Armin’s eyes on him, but Jean just took a deep breath. If this had happened earlier in the week, he would have been beyond pissed, but he felt like he was in a better place right now. So, fuck it, Armin could try his damndest. Jean would be able to handle it this time.

Or, so he thought.

The two worked in silence in the kitchen. Jean kept holding his breath, working as quickly as possible. Once he had completed everything, he would get to see Mikasa and he would escape being cornered by Armin. It wasn’t until the dishes were washed and dried and the ingredients were prepped that Armin spoke up.

“What have you and Mikasa been up to?”

Even with all the self pep talks in the world, there was no way Jean would be able to prepare a defense for that direct shot. How? How was he always able to blindside him like that?

“I was paired up with Mikasa earlier this week,” Armin said, as if he had read Jean’s mind. “She moved like a whirlwind. Cleaning, polishing, moving things at a breakneck pace. You’re showing the same kind of behavior.”

Jean hated the way he said those things like it was common knowledge. Observations like that didn’t belong in the same realm as knowing the alphabet or counting to ten, but Armin always spoke like it did. Jean heard the blood roaring in his ears and his breathing came out clipped.

Don’t.

Jean set down the silverware he had been crushing in his grasp and faced Armin. The image of Mikasa waiting in the commons came to mind. And then, he answered.

“We’ve been reading.”

Armin blinked. The expression on his face didn’t betray any kind of emotion. “What have you been reading?”

“Fairy tales,” said Jean.

Armin just nodded in response and resumed peeling the potatoes he had abandoned on the counter. Jean wasn’t sure what to make of the exchange.

“Is that it? No speech about friendship and letting people in?” Jean knew he should just let sleeping dogs lie, but he was in such complete shock that his brain to mouth filter had shut down for a brief moment.

Armin laughed. “There’s no need. You’ve already done that.” Armin continued to peel the potatoes, but Jean could hear the relief in his voice. “I think you two make a great pair.”

Jean stood there, staring at his comrade’s back. As usual, Armin was right. He had let Mikasa into his life and now she was an integral part of it. He knew that now, but what he didn’t know was whether the feeling was mutual.

“Are you still here?” Armin’s voice snapped Jean out of his thoughts. “Don’t you have a girl waiting for you somewhere?”

Jean decided he wouldn’t worry about the details right now. For once, in this hellhole of a world they lived in, he was having fun with someone he cared about. He would just leave it at that.

“Thanks.”

He met Mikasa at their usual table in the commons. The book had already been opened to their story for the day: Beauty and the Beast. As soon as Jean took his seat, Mikasa began to read. Her reading had improved exponentially in the past two weeks. Jean no longer had to correct her pronunciation or define terms. Now, all he had to do was answer some of Mikasa’s more creative questions.

“How did the servants get transformed into objects?” She asked.

“Magic.”

“What is magic really? Is the magic the sea witch used in The Little Mermaid the same as the one used here?”

“Uh, I’m not really sure. I’ve never actually thought about it.”

Jean was thankful that she dropped the line of questioning. Her brain always seemed to be moving at an incredible speed, generating questions and reasoning that Jean had never considered before. He wasn’t sure if it was innate or if Armin had rubbed off on her after all those years of knowing him, but it only reminded him how mature and way out of his league she was.

Until they got to the end of the story.

“She kissed him?”

There was a crease between her eyebrows indicating some concern.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?”

“Wouldn’t his fur and fangs get in the way?”

Jean bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing. The combination of her expression and that question was about the furthest thing from mature. This girl was full of surprises.

“Why is it always a kiss that breaks the spell?” Mikasa continued, failing to notice Jean choking on his contained laughter.

Jean cleared his throat, a bit flustered by the sudden intimacy of the question. “It’s not really the kiss that breaks the spell. It’s true love.” Jean corrected, praying that the blush burning his cheeks wasn’t visible. “Since a kiss is something special shared between two people, it conveys that feeling of true love.”

As he lay in his bed, he thought about the face Mikasa made then. The way she watched him with those silver eyes with her lips parted ever so slightly. Had she been blushing as well? Could she feel the thumping of her heart against her chest the way he did? Jean wished he had paid more attention, but the moment had passed so quickly. Before he knew it, she had begun reading again and he was left to attempt getting his breathing back in order.

He ended up falling asleep with the image of Mikasa on his mind.

-

Jean woke to the sounds of laughter.

Rays of light leaked in from the windows. He had slept through the night. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but a welcomed one.

He sat up, narrowing his eyes in order to make out the scene that had unfolded in front of him through blurred vision. Reiner had Connie, who was pleading rather rapidly, in a headlock and Eren was laughing his ass off beside him. Armin and Bertholdt were there too, doing everything they could to quell Reiner’s anger. Jean noticed now that Reiner’s bunk was wet.

“Please...” It came out more like a strangled gurgle than an actual word. “It was just a prank! I didn’t even get your hand in the bowl…”

Reiner only seemed to tighten his headlock. “It’s the thought that counts.”

Reiner’s remark sent another shockwave of laughter through Eren. The soldier clutched at his stomach as if he were about to pass out. Connie clawed at the larger soldier’s arm, but to no avail.

“Eren! You ass—” Connie’s insult was interrupted by a sudden choking noise.

From the other side of the room, Jean and Armin made eye contact. “Jean! Thank god you’re awake. Would you help Connie?”

Jean thought about the whole situation, more specifically, the absurdity of it. They were supposed to be the saviors of humanity, and yet they continued to laugh and play as if that pressure weighed nothing. They were all in the same situation, so why was he the only one who felt crushed by the pressure?

He remembered that he hadn’t had any nightmares that night. And he hadn’t had any daydreams the for the past few days either. He knew it was because he had finally opened up to someone, opened himself up to letting loose. If it felt this good, why did he hold back all the time?

In response to Armin’s request, Jean laughed. “Help him and miss out on all this? Not a chance in hell.”

Armin gave a disappointed shake of the head, but Jean could see the faint smile on the soldier’s lips.

The hilarity came to a sudden halt with the creak of the door. The boys froze in their places, with only their eyes daring to move towards the figure in the entrance.

“There better be a good reason for all this noise so early in the morning.”

Shit.

-

“Are you sure you’re okay with being up this late?”

Jean couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt. He had made Mikasa wait until after dinner for their reading. Even though she insisted that it was fine, Jean continued to apologize.

“It’s fine. I don’t get much sleep anyway.”

She seemed a bit different tonight. It may have been because of the different time and location, but she seemed a lot more relaxed. Jean felt the same way. There was something so calming about the darkness that enveloped them and knowing that they wouldn’t be interrupted by their comrades coming in from their chores. He couldn’t help but close his eyes as he was lulled by the rustling of the leaves.

“I used to sit outside with my parents on nights like this. My dad would try to teach me constellations while my mom watched.”

Jean kept his eyes closed. Mikasa had never talked about her parents with him before. He didn’t want to do or say anything that would make her feel like she had shared the information with the wrong person. He chose his next words wisely.

“Where are your parents now?”

“They were killed.”

Not wisely enough. As much as he wanted to throw himself into the mouth of the nearest Titan, he continued, knowing that any hesitation would only make both of them uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It was a long time ago.”

The image of Marco flashed behind his eyelids. He opened his eyes. “That doesn’t make it any less painful.”

He kept his sight on the treeline in front of him. He had been doing so well. He had gone so many days without seeing that face. Why was it coming back now?

““You’re right,” Mikasa admitted. “I still think about them. That’s part of the reason why I don’t sleep.”

“And the other reason?”

Jean didn’t need to hear her answer. He knew. He knew better than anyone. How she crept into the boys’ quarters like a shadow to watch them. Her footsteps were always so silent. The only thing that gave her away was her quiet yet ragged breathing and the way the light glinted off her silver eyes. She stood near their bunks and all Jean could do was pull his blankets over his head.

“Eren and Armin. I’m always thinking about how they could end up like my parents. They could be cut down or eaten right in front of me and I wouldn’t be able to do a thing.”

Jean was conflicted. At this moment, he felt the closest he’s ever been to Mikasa. At the same time, he felt the furthest away. Hearing her say their names reminded him that he never had a chance with her to begin with. He had been deluding himself from the start. It didn’t matter if he kept falling for her with each fairy tale they read together. Her heart was set elsewhere.

“We’re in the same boat then. I felt the same way when I found Marco’s body. Like I was completely helpless. And now, every time I close my eyes, he’s there.”

Jean was reminded why he always held back. It’s because he knew if he went all in, he would be the one who got hurt in the end. That’s how it had been with Marco. And now, he could add Mikasa’s name to the list. When would he ever learn?

“That’s why I’m better off alone.”

He wanted to be done for the night. He welcomed whatever sick nightmare sleep had in store for him. It’s what he deserved for being a complete fool.

“But you’re not alone. I’m here.”

Jean swung his head around in disbelief. She met his bewildered stare with wide eyes, as if she herself were shocked by her own words. Jean wasn’t sure if she was just stating a fact or if she had meant something more, but it didn’t matter. His whole body felt as if a current of electricity had just been shot through it. His heart went into overdrive.

“Thank you.”

It didn’t matter that he’d never learn. It didn’t matter that he could never even compete with Eren. He was in love with Mikasa and neither of these things could change that.

Mikasa’s hand shot up from her side and flipped to the next page of the book. Her sharp movement made Jean jump. Startled out of his realization, he looked down at the book.

A completely white page stared back at him.

Jean couldn’t tell if Mikasa’s fingers were trembling or if it was just him. It was over. The book had been completed.

Jean blamed desperation for what happened next.

“I have a fairy tale. It’s one my mom made up, so it’s not in the book.”

He didn’t know if this was going to be a lie he’d live to regret. He hoped not.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the book now completed, Mikasa attempts to come up with a way to thank Jean for his efforts.

Mikasa looked up from the now finished book. Jean had that lopsided smile on his face again and she couldn’t help but feel intrigued by his offer.

“Your mother would be okay with you telling her fairy tale?”

Jean gave a breathy laugh. “I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.”

She nodded, giving him permission to proceed with the story.

“Once upon a time, there was a prince. His father, the King, wasn’t really a part of his life, so he was spoiled by his mother, the Queen. This royal family ruled a kingdom that was often threatened by monsters that roamed outside.”

“Monsters? Like dragons?” Mikasa asked.

“Yeah, you can say that.” Jean continued. “The prince ended up growing up to be self-centered and hot-headed. He hated living in a kingdom that was always in danger and sought a kingdom where he would be safer. To do that, he became a knight and traveled with the army to different kingdoms. In the army, he met many people. One of them was a kind knight who saw things in the prince that the prince had never even seen in himself. They became fast friends. They both wanted to find a kingdom where they could live out the rest of their life in safety, so they promised to help each other kill whatever dragons got in the way.”

“This is pretty violent for a fairy tale,” Mikasa noted.

Jean just shrugged. “My mom is a creative. Anyway, they kept that promise to each other. But, one day, they were attacked by a huge swarm of dragons. The army kept fighting until the dragons eventually retreated. The prince searched for his best friend after the battle, but he was told that he had been eaten. After that, the prince continued his search for a safe kingdom, but he made a new promise to himself. He promised that he would never let himself get that close to someone again because if he were to lose them again, he would surely die.”

“Die from what?”

“Loneliness, probably.”

Mikasa was doubtful that someone could die of the feeling of loneliness, but this was a fairytale. If witches could use magic to transform mermaids into humans and men into beasts, then she was sure it was possible.

“While on the way to the next kingdom, the army ran into a group of wanderers. They said that their kingdom had been destroyed by the dragons and they would like to join in the fight against them. The army allowed it and asked the prince to watch over them. Among the wanderers was a princess. The prince was startled by the sight of her, as he had never seen a princess from another kingdom before. She looked nothing like any of the girls in his kingdom. He found out that she was experienced in killing dragons, but she had never ridden a horse before. The prince let her ride on the same horse as him until they reached the next kingdom. The army needed to stay there to refill their supplies for the next journey, so the prince spent the time teaching the princess how to ride a horse. She was thrown off many times, but each time she dusted herself off and got right back on. The prince was impressed by her resilience. But it wasn’t just that. The prince began to notice many other things about her, like her willingness to learn and her innocence. After a month of practice, the princess was finally able to ride a horse by herself. As she got onto her horse to begin the next journey, the prince realized something. He was in love with the princess.”

Jean stopped then. Mikasa waited for him to continue, but he kept his eyes down and his lips were pressed in a hard line.

“Jean?”

He shook his head. “Oh, sorry. I forgot how it ended. It’s been a few years since the last time my mom told it to me.”

“It’s okay,” said Mikasa. Of course it wasn’t, because she wanted to know what became of the prince and princess, but there wasn’t much she could do. She allowed herself one question. “Did the princess love him back?”

“I don’t think so, but I guess the prince couldn’t help himself.” Jean’s eyes finally met hers. They were bright, but tinged with a sort of sadness.

“You should ask your mother about the ending the next time you see her.” Mikasa meant it as a suggestion, but it came out more like a command.

“Yes ma’am.” He gave her a playful salute before standing up. “We should probably head in now, it’s getting pretty cold and the last thing we need is either of us getting sick.”

The only things waiting for her inside were a cold bed and Ymir’s aggressive snoring. More than that, there was the chance of having those nightmares. As much as she would rather continue to sit outside with Jean and catch a cold, she reluctantly pushed herself up, book in hand. They walked together until they came to the split in the hallway.

“Goodnight, Mikasa.” His voice was nothing more than a whisper as he backed away from her.

“Goodnight, Jean.”

He gave her a final smile before turning around, heading down to the boys’ quarters. The candles flickered as he passed. He turned the corner and disappeared.

Mikasa kept standing at that intersection, hoping Jean would return and announce that he had changed his mind. But the hallway remained cold and empty. Besides, Mikasa reasoned, they had finished the book. What else would they do? She knew it had only been two weeks that they had read together, but she had a hard time imagining her life before then.

She walked back to the girls’ quarters thinking about what she would do now. With the book completed, she would no longer have a reason to rush through her chores or practice her reading. She would no longer have a reason to meet with Jean. That final thought seemed to disturb her the most.

It dawned on Mikasa now that she had never thanked Jean. He met her every single day without fail and spent hours helping her improve her reading. That kind of commitment deserved more than a mere thank you.

Mikasa stopped in the middle of the hallway. What could she do to thank him? She flipped open the book as if it contained the answer. Nothing stuck out to her as she turned from page to page and she couldn’t help the hiss of frustration as she reached the blank pages. Why had the author left the book unfinished?

That’s when it struck her. Jean was unable to complete his story because he forgot what his mother had told him all those years ago. There were enough blank pages for one more story.

Mikasa knew the perfect way to thank Jean.

-

Hiding art supplies was much harder than hiding a book. On the night she had come up with the idea to add Jean’s fairy tale to the book, Mikasa made a stop at the room where she had first discovered the collection of stories. The box she had removed the book from still contained pencils, paper, brushes and paint. While the book had been able to hide behind her pillow, there was definitely no room for this box. She decided that a pencil and a few sheets of paper would have to be enough for now and left the rest of the contents in their place.

Since that night, Mikasa spent her time during the day sketching all the elements of Jean’s story. Sometimes that meant sitting in front of the horse stables and attempting to capture the animals’ form with a few strokes of a pencil. Other times, that meant finishing her chores and having her partner act as a model.

“What did you say this was for again, Mikasa?” Connie had asked one day as he held a pose in one of the storerooms they had just cleared out.

Mikasa always responded with the same blunt answer. “Just a hobby I picked up. Please refrain from telling anyone else though.” That last part always sounded like a threat.

By the end of one week, she had a collection of portraits of her comrades, a sketch of each horse she could find at the stables and various pieces of landscape.

On her days paired up with Jean, she would ask him questions about his fairy tale. Mikasa tried to find the line between asking out of curiosity and innessant prodding.

“Did your mother ever mention what color hair the princess had?” Mikasa asked as they hung laundry.

Jean didn’t take his eyes off the shirts he was currently pinning up. “Long black hair.”

Mikasa made a mental note of the fact. “What about the prince?”

“Brown.” He finally turned around to face her with one eyebrow raised. “Why the sudden interest in the details?”

She had crossed into innessant prodding territory. She needed to backtrack. “No reason. It’s just been on my mind recently.” Mikasa hoped that had been enough to end his line of questioning.

Jean looked like he had been about to say something then. His lips parted for a second, only to close just as quickly. He turned back towards the clothes.

Later that day, as she practiced drawing her first dragon, she thought about what he had tried to say. The expression on his face had looked so strained. While she worried about him, she moved those thoughts to the back of her mind. She had already come this far with her gift. She only needed a little longer until she was able to give it to him.

When she was satisfied with her pencil drawings, Mikasa knew it was time to move on to the paints. After she was sure all the girls had gone to sleep, she would creep out of bed and head upstairs. There, she would dig out the box with the supplies and prepare the paints.

It took her another week to figure out her painting style. Many of those nights were spent pacing beside her paintings in frustration. They looked nothing like the paintings in the book, but then again, that probably took the artist years to master. Although she continued to agonize over the difference in quality, she also came to understand that this was her gift to Jean. She wasn’t the original artist and she would never be. With that in mind, Mikasa started in on painting the remaining blank pages of the book.

The recording of the words had been the easiest part. Every time she had picked up a pencil or paintbrush, she thought about the night Jean had told her the story. She remembered the moon and the breeze and the wistful look on Jean’s face as he told it. Every aspect of that night had been ingrained in her memory.

-

And, after almost a month’s worth of work, Mikasa completed the fairy tale.

As she flipped through the pages, she realized she had never thought about how she was going to give the book to Jean. What if he didn’t want it? Mikasa knew there was no point in wondering or putting it off.

She approached him after dinner. The rest of the soldiers had cleared out and headed for the showers. All that was left in the commons was Jean, Mikasa and the book she held in a vice-like grip. Nervousness was not a feeling Mikasa was well acquainted with. The way it paralyzed her limbs and contorted the thoughts in her mind made her want to turn and run as far away from her comrade as possible.

But then, all of her hard work would have been for nothing. She simply couldn’t have that.

“Jean,” she said, more forcefully than expected.

He whirled around to face her, startled out of his cleaning. “Oh, Mikasa. Jesus, you scared me.” He gave a sigh that she supposed was out of relief, but there was something else mixed in there as well.

“Sorry. I just wanted to give you this.” She held the book out with both hands, keeping her eyes down. Her knees felt like they were going to give out.

“The book? But it’s yours.”

Mikasa kept her arms outstretched. “Please.”

Everything around Mikasa seemed to stand still. The only thing that moved was her own body. The rapid beating of her heart sent shockwaves throughout her body. No matter how many deep breaths she took, her body continued to tremble erratically.

After what seemed like a lifetime of waiting, the weight was lifted from her hands. She heard the sounds of pages turning. She didn’t know if she was going to make it until the end.

Suddenly, there was silence.

“Mikasa...This is…”

“It’s unfinished. I know. I wanted to keep a few pages open for when you found out the ending.” The sentences came out in a rush.

She heard him take a step forward. And then she felt his arms around her. She felt herself stiffen up.

“It’s perfect, Mikasa.”

Mikasa knew that this was a hug. What she didn’t know was how to respond to it. Thoughts came flooding into her head and all she could do was take a breath to keep them at bay. Jean was much warmer than she would have imagined. His scent and his presence, everything about him felt so comfortable, peaceful. She placed her palms on his back, bringing him in closer.

That’s when he stumbled backwards, bumping into one of the tables. “Sorry, I didn’t...I mean...Let me start over.” Jean cleared his throat. “Thank you. This means so much to me.”

Mikasa was still reeling from how close they had just been. “I should be the one saying that. Without your help, I would’ve never discovered fairy tales, let alone how to read them.”

“Well, you’re welcome.”

She gave him a curt nod before heading for the showers. If she remained near him a moment longer, she would have ended up in a crumpled pile on the floor. Training and Titans be damned because that was the closest to death Mikasa had ever felt.

Water ran down her body as she reflected on the gift. It had been a resounding success, but why did she feel so empty? She knew why. This was the end of her meetings with Jean. The thought sent shivers down her spine. He had been at the forefront of her mind for the last month and a half. She knew that without him, everything revert back to the way they had been before. Nightmares included.

She shut the water off. Small rivulets dripped down from her hair onto the floor. It was an incredibly lonely sound.

-

Someone was screaming. Whoever it was, Mikasa wished they would shut up. She had just managed to fall asleep what felt like only minutes ago. It continued, much to the irritation of Mikasa, and the terrible rasping only seemed to get louder.

Enough was enough. Mikasa’s eyes shot open. Instead of the familiar sight of the girls’ quarters, she was greeted by complete darkness. She reached out in front of her, hoping for her fingers to graze the bunk above her, but there was nothing.

In the distance, there was a figure. No matter how much she squinted, she couldn’t make them out. She began to walk toward it. The colors were the first to come into focus. The figure was mostly green with bursts of white and brown. Mikasa felt her legs start to move faster. Then the shape became evident. Tall. Slender. Human.

She was running now. Brown hair and the cloak of the Survey Corps. Eren. But as she ran, the finer details became clear. This figure was taller than Eren and had a lighter shade of hair.

It wasn’t Eren.

The figure turned to her then and she was introduced to another color. Red. Blood poured out of a wound in the figure’s torso, staining its shirt and pooling down at its feet. Mikasa’s eyes traveled upwards and she froze. Empty amber eyes stared back at her.

Mikasa heard the screaming again. It was her own voice and she repeated one name at the top of her lungs.

Jean.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean tries to readjust to life after Mikasa, but is reminded just how impossible that is.

“He was in love with the princess.”

The moment those words came out of his mouth, Jean confirmed that he was indeed an idiot. Not just an idiot, but an idiot who was also a coward. There was no other jackass in this entire world who would make up a fairy tale to try to confess to their crush.

“Jean?”

While he would have continued to berate himself until the sun came up over the horizon, Jean shook his head. It would have to wait.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot how it ended. It’s been a few years since the last time my mom told it to me.” Yet another half-assed lie to add to his collection. He was on fire tonight.

“It’s okay,” Mikasa said, but Jean could tell by her expression that she was disappointed.

He should have left it at Hansel and Gretel. At least then their meetings would have ended on a high note. Now, there was this lingering feeling of incompleteness. It weighed Jean down and there was no doubt that Mikasa felt the same.

“Did the princess love him back?”

For once, he could answer this question truthfully. “I don’t think so, but I guess the prince couldn’t help himself,” he answered, meeting Mikasa’s gaze.

“You should ask your mother about the ending the next time you see her.”

Jean couldn’t help the stifled laugh as he gave her a salute. “Yes ma’am.” She was terrible at masking her displeasure, but that was just another aspect Jean liked about her. “We should probably head in now, it’s getting pretty cold and the last thing we need is either of us getting sick.”

They walked side by side in silence. It wasn’t until they reached the split in the hallway that it dawned on Jean. His time with Mikasa was over.

“Goodnight, Mikasa.” He kept his voice quiet. Any louder and she would be able to hear the way it trembled.

“Goodnight, Jean.”

He turned away from her and walked down the hall. As soon as he came around the first corner, he stopped. He pressed his back against the wall and slid down until he was crouched on the floor.

Why did she have to say his name? He supposed that was his weakness. The combination of her silver eyes, her sleek black hair...her everything was already too much for Jean to handle. Add to that his name falling from her lips. It brought him to his knees.

He would have to savor this feeling. He was sure that this would be the last time he was ever going to experience it.

-

As Jean expected, he didn’t see much of Mikasa after that. He would see her at line up each morning, but then she was gone. Everytime he stopped by at the station she was assigned to for chores, both her and her partner would be nowhere to be seen.

That wasn’t the only strange occurance. Jean had sat beside Connie and Sasha one night at dinner and Mikasa’s name came up in their whispered conversation.

“Have you been paired up with Mikasa recently?” Connie asked his neighboring comrade who was currently scarfing down her dinner at breakneck speed.

“Yeah, why?” Sasha said around her food.

Connie leaned in closer to her and Jean found himself doing the same. “Did she ask you to do that?”

Sasha swallowed, her eyes widening at the mention of whatever that was. She gave Connie a solemn nod. “But you know we’re not supposed to talk about it.”

“Talk about what?” Jean found himself asking before he could stop himself.

Connie and Sasha straightened up at the sound of Jean’s voice. The two exchanged a look and Jean could have sworn that it was a look of pure fear.

“Nothing! It’s nothing,” Connie exclaimed loud enough for the rest of the table to cast confused looks at him. “We weren’t talking about anything...What?”

They resumed eating. Jean’s focus moved to where Mikasa usually sat beside Eren and Armin. Her eyes were narrowed in that threatening way of hers and her gaze was aligned with the backs of Connie and Sasha. A small part of Jean actually feared for their lives. Whatever they were talking about, Mikasa didn’t want it to get out.

Jean finally caught a break the next day and was paired up with Mikasa for laundry. While he would have liked to ask about the whole fiasco the night before, he thought better of it. It was nice to feel her near him again. The sky was blue and the shirts fluttered with the light breeze.

To Jean’s surprise, it was Mikasa who broke the silence. “Did your mother ever mention what color hair the princess had?”

She was truly the queen of left field questions. After a week of saying nothing to each other, leave it to Mikasa to dive right back in as if nothing happened.

“Long black hair.”

“What about the prince?”

“Brown.” He turned to face her. “Why the sudden interest in the details?”

Her hands hovered over the sheet she had just hung. She brought her arms back down to her sides before meeting his gaze.

“No reason,” she assured. “It’s just been on my mind recently.”

He missed her. He missed her strange questions and innocent interpretations. He missed her irritated sighs when she’d get hung up on a word and her look of satisfaction when she completed a story. More than that, he wanted to come clean. His mom had never told him that fairy tale. It was all by his own invention. All of this because he didn’t know how to say four words: I love you, Mikasa.

The words almost came out. He bit them back harshly.

He knew there was nothing left for them. The book is what tied them together and now it was finished. He should be thankful that he even got that one chance. If he knew all of this, then why was it so hard to let go?

He returned to his chores and pondered the answer in silence.

-

The weeks went on and Jean had almost completely readjusted to life after Mikasa, almost being the key word. She appeared when his mind wandered away from the task at hand. These times included when he was trying to fall asleep, when he was eating and when he was completing his chores. That’s why, as he wiped down the table after dinner, she was present in his thoughts.

Just the other night, he had been returning to the boys’ quarters from the restroom. It was pretty late, so when he saw a figure rushing down the hallway, he was definitely surprised, to put it mildly. But, as it came closer, the silver eyes gave away the figure’s identity immediately.

It wasn’t a question of why Mikasa had been up that late as he already knew her relationship with her nightmares. It was a question of what she was doing. Now that she finished the book of fairy tales, what was keeping her occupied in the night?

Jean wanted to ask, but she had disappeared up the stairs so quickly that part of him wondered if he had even seen her in the first place. He was tired and more than a little disoriented, so maybe—

“Jean.”

He jumped at the sound of his name and immediately faced the source of the interruption. Speak of the devil.

“Oh, Mikasa. Jesus, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” she stated curtly. “I just wanted to give you this.”

She presented him with the collection of fairy tales.

Jean’s first reaction was one of confusion. “The book? But it’s yours.”

“Please.” Her head seemed to bow even lower.

He wouldn’t refuse her, or, more accurately, he couldn’t refuse her. That was more true now than ever as he took the book from her hands. She must really want him to have this book, but why? Jean flipped it open, thumbing through the pages in search for the reason. He wasn’t sure what this reason was, but he would probably know when he saw it.

And, so he did.

The once blank page following the ending of Hansel and Gretel was now filled with color. A blue sky met the tips of towering pine trees. In the foreground, there was a meadow filled with bursts of flowers. But, no doubt the focus of the painting were the silhouettes that stood in the middle of the field. There was a girl sitting atop a horse and, even though they were completely blacked out, Jean understood the beauty both the girl and her steed exuded. Standing beside them was a boy. He was reaching up, cupping the hand of the girl gently.

Jean flipped to the next page and was greeted by paintings of castles and dragons. There was the prince, sporting brown hair just as he had told Mikasa, and his fellow knights. The knights had a few familiar faces among them, specifically a girl hauling bread by the armfuls, a bald boy lifting supplies and a certain blond haired smartass. That would explain Connie and Sasha’s conversation.

Everything he had said that night, every single minute detail, Mikasa had managed to capture beautifully. Wanderers with tattered clothes, a doting queen and a princess with long black hair. Everything up to the princess riding off on their next adventure while the prince stood back and realized his love for her was there. Only a few pages remained blank.

“Mikasa...This is…” He was at a loss for words.

“It’s unfinished. I know. I wanted to keep a few pages open for when you found out the ending.”

It happened before his mind fully registered his actions. One second he stood before Mikasa and the next his arms had tightened around her. Her hair was just as silky as he had imagined. Her body was firm and emanated strength, but the closeness brought her delicate curves to his attention. He couldn’t help but feel like she fit against him perfectly.

Jean felt a slight pressure on his back. Whatever distance between them was thoroughly closed as Mikasa held him closer. He felt her breath on the skin of his neck.

He staggered backwards as everything in his brain fired off at once. There was a dull thud as he bumped into the table. His hand reached out behind him to brace himself.

“Sorry, I didn’t...I mean...Let me start over. Thank you. This means so much to me.” Words kept tumbling from his mouth as he tried to grasp what had just happened.

Mikasa blinked, looking just as out of it as Jean felt. “I should be the one saying that. Without your help, I would’ve never discovered fairy tales, let alone how to read them.”

“Well, you’re welcome.”

She excused herself before Jean could say anything else, but he knew that was probably for the best. He rubbed the area where the table edge connected with his back and winced.

Surreal. That’s the word he had settled on to describe that interaction with Mikasa. If he were to wake up now to find out it had all been a dream, he would be intensely disappointed, but not at all surprised.

\- 

Jean thought about the hug long after everyone else went to bed. The room was completely silent, save for the occasional snore, and the only source of light was the thin sliver of moon that shone through the window. Even though it had been hours since the encounter, it was still incredibly vivid in Jean’s mind.

The creak of the door brought him back to reality. It had been so long, almost a whole month, since he had last heard that sound. Jean felt his heart sink.

She must have had another nightmare. That was the only explanation he could think of as the girl crept into the boys’ quarters. Jean’s eyes slid closed. He would just let it happen. Checking on Eren and Armin was what brought Mikasa comfort and there was no way he’d ever deny her that. Nevertheless, Jean hated being reminded that he was always going to be second place to them.

Her footsteps were as quiet as ever. Jean waited for her sigh of relief, indicating that her friends were safe and that she would be able to return to her room with a little peace of mind. But there was a prolonged silence.

Jean felt something warm on his hand.

“Jean?” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Are you awake?”

He opened his eyes. Silver eyes stared back at him. Her had was resting on his own.

“I’m awake.”

She sighed then, the sigh he had been waiting for. He readjusted their hands and slowly eased his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together.

“I’m not going anywhere, Mikasa.”

Her shoulders shook then. Jean sat up in his bed and gently pulled her down to take a seat beside him. He ran his free hand through her hair and guided her head to the crook of his neck. Her warm tears trickled onto his shirt. She let out a muffled whimper and Jean just held her tighter.

No other words were exchanged that night. Jean continued to hold her until her body no longer trembled and her breathing evened out. Just as the sun began to rise, she gave his hand one last squeeze before she returned to her bed just as soundless as she came in.

 

The morning that followed was a bit different from what had become the norm in the past few weeks. Instead of line up, the Scouts crowded around a platform where Erwin stood along with the Squad Leaders.They announced that the preparations for the next expedition were complete and that they would depart tomorrow.

-

As Jean waited for the expedition to begin, he made a promise to himself. If he managed to survive this trip into the jaws of Hell, he would tell Mikasa everything. If not...well, it’s probably best not to think about it.

The ground shook as the gates began to open. Erwin’s command rang clearly over both the nervous murmuring of the soldiers and the rumbling of the gate. And then, they began to move.

Jean’s nerves were on edge as they travelled through Titan territory. He flinched every time a flare came into his line of vision. All he needed to do was make it through this, everything else didn’t matter. Even though he should have been focused on that, he couldn’t help the onslaught of thoughts that followed. What about everyone else? Connie, Sasha, Armin...they were all in equal danger as he was. And Mikasa? Of all the times to let his walls down, why did he have to choose right before an expedition to do so?

Jean shook his head. He reassured himself that he didn’t have to worry about them. All of them were more than capable of handling themselves. And Mikasa was at the top of their class for fuck’s sake. He just needed to focus on not dying.

“What’s wrong, Kirstein? It looks like you’re about to pass out,” the team leader quipped.

The other two senior soldiers laughed as they followed their leader into a deserted town. The sound of the horses’ hooves reverberated throughout the empty streets. Jean’s eyes darted from side to side, watching for any movement at all. Everything was still. There was something very unsettling, very wrong about this.

A Titan on all fours lunged out from one of the buildings, showering pieces of the foundation over the group. Jean felt a sharp jab at his side, but he pressed forward, clearing the smoke and debris. He glanced back to see how his group had managed, but all he saw was the flailing legs of one of his comrades as the Titan swallowed up his torso.

Jean hated when he was right.

He fumbled for the black flare. Jean wasn’t sure if the pounding he was hearing was from his heart or the footsteps of the abnormal that was now closing in on him. He finally wrapped his fingers around the right canister and fired it off.

Now that he had signaled, Jean took to the air, maneuvering as far as he get from his pursuer. There was no way he’d be able to take down an abnormal himself. Hell, that thing took out three senior soldiers in one swift movement. Jean aimed for the tallest building in the town, somewhere he could wait for reinforcements.

Just as he anchored his grappling hooks to the wall of his selected building, the Titan leapt up at him, its jaws gaping. Jean was able to evade, but the adjustment changed his trajectory. Instead of landing firmly on the roof, he slammed into it, tumbling a few feet before coming to a stop.

His head was reeling, but there was an even sharper pain in his side. Jean ran his hand over the area. It was wet.

Shit.

He brought his hand up to his face. It was dripping with blood.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

A piece of wood from the foundation had lodged itself into his side. With the impact of his landing, he had effectively drove it in even further. Jean was thankful for the adrenaline current pumping through him. The moment it wore out, he wouldn’t be able to move.

He rested his hand on the stake imbedded in him and deliberated what he should do. Everything first aid related had been on his horse, but there was no way he’d be able to call it and escape with that abnormal crawling around. And who knew how far out the nearest team was. But he couldn’t just sit there and wait to bleed out.

He pushed himself up, ignoring all the protesting that came from his body. He needed to get rid of that Titan if he wanted to escape. He knew his chances of survival were slim. That’s probably why he said what he did.

“Mikasa. I love you and I’m sorry.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa worries about Jean on their expedition and realizes that it's for good reason.

Mikasa couldn’t get to the boys’ quarters fast enough. She needed to know that he was okay.

The door creaked open as she gave a gentle push. As she passed some of the bunks, she watched the way the covers rose and fell with the inhabitants’ chests. She identified both Eren and Armin. The blond resembled a cat the way he had curled up into a tight little ball. The other boy had his limbs slung out all over the place.

Mikasa tiptoed to the bunk directly across from Eren’s.

Jean was asleep. She gave his sheets a once over, looking for any sign of blood. There was nothing, much to Mikasa’s relief, but she couldn’t help the feeling of concern that continued to nag at her. Her focus moved to his face. There was a crease between his eyebrows and his lips were completely still. His expression indicated some kind of anticipation.

What was he bracing for? Was he suffering from a nightmare as well?

The thought triggered an immediate response. She lifted her hand and rested it on Jean’s.

“Jean? Are you awake?”

His eyes opened and they seemed to focus on her right away. A confused expression flashed across his face, but it was quickly replaced by a look Mikasa could only describe as knowing.

“I’m awake.”

She released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. Relief couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling that washed over her. Jean laced his fingers with hers.

“I’m not going anywhere, Mikasa,” Jean assured her.

Those words seemed to unlock something deep down inside of her. Mikasa’s vision blurred and she blinked, believing it to be the exhaustion taking over. It was when her vision remained bleary that she finally understood that she was crying. It had been so long since she had felt tears roll down her cheeks. She had almost forgotten what it felt like.

She felt Jean lead her down to the seat beside him. He barely had to guide her because Mikasa felt her knees buckle beneath her. His fingers were in her hair and before she knew it she was sobbing into the curve of his neck. Jean’s movements had been so slow and sure. Maybe that’s why Mikasa didn’t bother trying to choke back the tears.

She was in good hands.

-

The announcement of the impending expedition shocked Mikasa. After so many weeks of reading and producing fairy tales, Mikasa had started blurring the lines between them and reality. This news was the most brutal reality check this world could have dealt.

Mikasa hung back as Eren and Armin examined the formation map.

“Where are you at?” Eren asked the boy beside him.

Armin pointed towards the right flank. “I’m on this side with Sasha.”

Mikasa examined the map from a distance. She saw that she was in the middle with Connie and two other senior soldiers. Her eyes wandered the rest of the map for a certain last name.

Kirstein. Rear group of the left flank.

-

Mikasa wanted more than anything to focus on the mission. It was just a few hours outside of the walls, then they would return. But, every so often, her head would snap to the left, searching for any kind of flare. Her group hadn’t even seen a single Titan, yet her blood roared and her heart pounded as if they had just faced off against ten.

She pressed her eyes shut. She needed to clear her mind. With a deep breath, she locked onto one aspect and analyzed it. The rhythmic thumping of the horses’ hooves on the ground. The smell of grass. The conversation between her teammates. She took everything in one at a time and pieced it together like a puzzle.

Her solving was interrupted by a faint popping sound.

“Black flare spotted. Looks like the far end of the left side.”

Mikasa’s heart dropped into her stomach.

“Let’s wait for the commander’s redirection.”

By then, Mikasa had already yanked the reigns of her horse towards the dissipating flare. As she veered away from her group, she heard Connie calling out to her.

“Mikasa! Mikasa! Goddamnit, she’s going rouge!”

She heard the demands of her group to stick to formation loud and clear, but it didn’t matter. Jean was in danger. Everything else was insignificant.

-

The first thing she saw was the rubble. An entire building had collapsed into the road causing Mikasa to engage her maneuver gear. From above, she identified the sprawled out legs of the horses that had been caught in the wreckage.

Was Jean crushed beneath there as well?

Horrified by the thought, Mikasa continued on, scanning desperately for any sign of life. She needed something to move so she could remove the sickening image of Jean’s mangled body from her mind.

Relief came with the sight of a Titan’s evaporating corpse lying in a street not too far from the collapse. For a brief moment, Mikasa felt silly for doubting Jean and his group.

And then she saw the blood.

Just beside the Titan, a smear of blood led from the street into one of the houses. Mikasa descended immediately, racing into the house. She followed the blood past the entrance and into the living room where she skidded to a stop.

She knew then that the nightmare she had about Jean was not just any nightmare. It had been a premonition.

He had propped himself up against a wall just beneath a window. His eyes were closed and his head had slid just slightly to the side. In the sunlight that came through the window, he looked so peaceful. Mikasa was almost sure that he had just fallen asleep.

She wished that she could believe that. But she knew better.

Her whole body shook as she approached him. One of his hands was caked with blood. The other kept a loose grasp on the hilt of a sword. He must have endured so much pain.

That was the tipping point for Mikasa. Her knees met the floor and she screamed. It was something so primal and agonizing that for a moment Mikasa couldn’t believe it was coming from her body. She stared at the ground, watching her tears soak the wood beneath her.

Mikasa would never be able to close her eyes. She could only barely get by seeing her parents’ bodies. Now she would have to see Jean’s as well.

“Mikasa?”

Her head swung up. Jean stared back at her through half lidded eyes.

“Jean…” Mikasa crawled closer stiffly, her palms scraping the floor.

“Of all the people who could’ve come, it had to be you.” He smiled at her with blood stained teeth. “It must be my lucky day.”

He grunted as he attempted to sit up. Mikasa finally saw the source of all the blood, a deep gash at his side.

“Don’t move,” she ordered, grabbing him gently by the shoulder.

She needed to get him out of here. Mikasa’s mind raced as she plotted their escape. All she needed to do was get him on her horse and regroup with the formation. The only wildcard was the appearance of a Titan. One had blindsided Jean’s group and leapt from a building, which could easily happen again. With both of them on one horse and Jean unable to move, they’d be an easy target.

“I remembered the end of that fairy tale.”

Mikasa’s calculations came to a sudden halt. It took her a second to think back to before this crisis, to the night they finished the book and he shared a fairy tale of his own. Jean’s eyes were beginning to glaze over. She opened her mouth to stop him, but he carried on.

“While on the journey to the next kingdom, the prince and princess were attacked by dragons. The prince was fatally wounded and knew that his time left with the princess was short. So, he admitted something: he was a liar.”

“Jean, you’re not making any sense.”

He sighed. “Mikasa, the fairy tale I told you doesn’t exist. It’s just something I made up based on my time with you because I was too afraid to tell you the truth.”

“The truth about what?” Her voice shook.

“That I love you.”

Mikasa understood then. That recurring feeling that overwhelmed her as she met with Jean was no longer a mystery. She had been falling in love with him all that time. Now that she knew this, there was no way in hell that she would let him die.

She placed Jean’s arm around her shoulder.

“Mikasa. Stop,” Jean demanded. His tone was firm.

Mikasa remained unphased and gently supported him into a standing position. Jean hissed in response, but Mikasa took a step forward.

“Mikasa, don’t. We both know what will happen if you try to take me out there. Just leave me.” His voice had weakened dramatically since his last command. He was losing strength rapidly.

“I can’t,” she said simply, taking another step towards the door.

Jean shuffled with her. “And why is that?”

“Because that’s what makes fairy tales fairy tales, Jean. They always end happily,” she quoted. “And I’m not going to stop until I get mine.”

He gave such a hearty laugh that Mikasa was surprised he still had any energy remaining. “Did I already mention that I love you?”

The two inched forward until they reached the threshold of the door. There, Mikasa whistled for her horse. By the time it arrived, Jean was about ready to pass out. As she lifted him onto the saddle, Mikasa felt the ground shake.

She hoped and pleaded that it had just been a figment of her imagination. But the sensation came again.

A Titan was approaching.

She jumped onto her horse and immediately headed towards the edge of the town. They couldn’t afford another surprise attack from a building. They stood a better chance of survival in a clearing with no obstructions.

“The flares…” Jean murmured, slumped against Mikasa’s back.

She reached into one of the saddle bags and fired off whatever red flares she had remaining. The boundary where the town met the grassland was in sight. That’s when the Titan appeared as well. Just as they rode past an intersection, an eight meter class Titan rounded the corner. They were still a few blocks from the end. This was cutting it close.

“Just a bit more…”

Mikasa glanced back to check on Jean. He was unconscious now and she could feel the warmth of the spreading blood on her back.

The Titan was closing in, it’s tongue lolling out of one side of its mouth as it chased after them. It swung an arm in a scooping arc and Mikasa weaved out of it’s range. It’s hand scraped up a few stones from the path. If she had moved even a fraction of a second later, they would have been swept up off the ground. Another grab like that and Mikasa knew it was over.

They were practically there now. Just two more blocks from the end. But the Titan’s shadow loomed directly over them. This was it. It was do or die.

She heard the Titan wind up for another grab. Mikasa drew her sword. She decided that she would aim for the fingers. That should be enough to stall it. She turned towards her attacker and anticipated it’s next move.

It reached for them, just as she predicted. But, before she could swing, shadows descended upon the Titan. She pulled on the reigns until her horse slowed to a stop and spun to face the Titan.

Just as they crossed the edge of the town, Scouts who had been lying in wait sprung on their pursuer. It was now facedown on the ground, it’s nape cleanly removed. Mikasa recognized Connie and the group she had abandoned as they approached her.

“We leave you on your own for a few minutes and suddenly you’re being chased down by one of those assholes! You’re just lucky we saw your flares in—” As soon as his eyes landed on Jean, he changed gears. “Jesus, what happened to him?!”

“We need to get him to a medic. Now.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Mikasa find the conclusion to their fairy tale.

Jean had no idea how he was going to pull this off.

As he stood at the edge of the roof, he watched the Titan claw at the base of the building. He was already at a disadvantage because it was an abnormal he was dealing with, but now he had to factor in blood loss and intense pain into the equation. The odds were definitely stacked against him.

But there was no time to think rationally anymore. He knew he had a slim chance of survival if he could get rid of that Titan and he was willing to gamble on that small percentage if that meant seeing Mikasa again. Those were the only calculations he needed to know.

Jean took a step off the building, propelling himself over the abnormal. Now that its prey was on the move, the Titan quickly turned and lunged in his direction. Jean shot his hooks into the wall directly behind the Titan. He flew past the abnormal and capitalized on its inability to change directions midair. By the time it had landed, Jean had already kicked off the wall and sunk his swords into its nape, carving out a chunk in the process.

The lifeless body collapsed in the middle of the street with a resounding thud. Jean landed beside it, completely baffled by his own work. He knew he worked well under pressure, but did it have to be this dire for him to produce results?

His being impressed with himself ended suddenly as he hunched over in pain.

The jarring movements of the maneuver gear had taken its toll. He hadn’t even noticed that the stake had been dislodged during the fight.

He fell to his hands and knees, gasping for air. The shooting pain began to drown out any sort of reasoning. Before he was completely overcome, he decided that he needed to get out of the open. He crawled towards the nearest door and lodged one of his swords between it and the frame. Jean used all of his weight to pry it open. He staggered inside and finally came to rest against the furthest wall of the room.

Everything seemed to blur together. Soon, his vision was just a kaleidoscope of mottled colors. He just needed to rest. His eyes slid shut.

Nothing came to him for awhile. There was only darkness behind his eyelids. He waited to see Marco or any of his other fallen comrades. He was one of them now. Would they come to welcome him?

The only figure that emerged from the darkness had black hair that blended in with their surroundings and grey eyes. Even in death, Jean was always caught up in his regrets. He already knew he had failed her. He didn’t need to be reminded.

Mikasa’s apparition opened her mouth then. He waited for the cutting remarks, the anger, the pain...he was ready for all of it because he knew it’s what he deserved. But the only thing that came was a scream. A long wail so completely drenched in grief that it shook his very bones. He saw the same tears he had seen the night before. The tears that had been withheld by a girl who was forced to grow up in order to protect what she held dear.

Jean opened his eyes and saw the same girl before him, her fingers digging into the floorboards as little droplets of water collected beneath her.

“Mikasa?”

He knew from the way her head snapped up to the sound of her name and the way her eyes still glistened with tears that it was her. She was not just some near death hallucination.

She inched closer to him in disbelief. “Jean…”

“Of all the people who could’ve come, it had to be you. It must be my lucky day.”

The world worked in strange ways. Yes, he was in so much pain that his words slurred, but they had been brought together one last time. Jean decided that whoever was pulling the strings of his fate behind the scenes pitied him. It didn’t matter, Jean would graciously take what he could get.

He straightened up a little, but the sharp pain thwarted any other attempt at moving. Mikasa grabbed him by the shoulder, giving a firm squeeze as a warning.

“Don’t move.”

She looked shaken, but her voice was unwavering. Jean watched as she turned her sights on the door she had left ajar. She must have been calculating their escape. But Jean knew the numbers. There was no chance, not while he was in this state. He couldn’t let her risk her life for the smallest chance of saving his. It just wasn’t worth it.

He told himself he felt this way because he was looking at the bigger picture. Mikasa was one of humanity’s greatest assets. His life in exchange of hers was a small price to pay. But Jean knew he wasn’t fooling anybody with that. He wanted her to survive for purely selfish reasons. He wanted her to go on in life until she could smile without being weighed down and cry without feeling the need to hold back.

“I remembered the end of that fairy tale.”

The sentence was so sudden that both Mikasa and himself were caught off guard. This was happening, whether he was fully prepared or not.

“While on the journey to the next kingdom, the prince and princess were attacked by dragons. The prince was fatally wounded and knew that his time left with the princess was short. So, he admitted something: he was a liar.”

Mikasa shook her head. “Jean, you’re not making any sense.”

“Mikasa, the fairy tale I told you doesn’t exist,” he said quietly. He didn’t deserve to feel ashamed. “It’s just something I made up based on my time with you because I was too afraid to tell you the truth.”

“The truth about what?”

“That I love you.”

The words came out easier than he expected. Maybe it was a side effect of dying, but he felt like he had nothing to lose. If only he had felt that way the night he had told her the story. Would things have been different?

Mikasa was silent for awhile. Jean had just delivered the nail in the coffin and all he had to do was wait. So, it came as a pretty heavy shock when Mikasa resumed hooking Jean’s arm around her shoulder.

“Mikasa. Stop.” It took all he had to convey the force of the command.

Even so, she disregarded it, slowly lifting him into a standing position. Jean bit his tongue, not just because of the pain, but because of his frustration with Mikasa’s stubbornness. Did she not understand the weight of this choice?

“Mikasa, don’t. We both know what will happen if you try to take me out there. Just leave me.” He had switched gears from demanding to pleading. She had to listen, one way or the other.

She took a step towards the exit. “I can’t.”

Jean had no choice but to follow her lead. “And why is that?”

“Because that’s what makes fairy tales fairy tales, Jean. They always end happily. And I’m not going to stop until I get mine.”

She had held on to his offhand quip and used it against him. That was very much like Mikasa. So much so, that Jean laughed and kept laughing in spite of his body’s objection. He could never say no to her, even if she wanted to risk all or nothing.

“Did I already mention that I love you?”

He had to admit that he was a bit delirious with pain now. Coherency came to him in flashes. He remembered stepping on Mikasa’s locked arms and climbing onto her horse. When his eyes opened again, the ground was rumbling and they were moving at top speed. He said something to Mikasa then, but he wasn’t sure if it was helpful or complete nonsense. He hoped for the former.

“Just a bit more…” Mikasa’s voice was strained.

That was the last thing he remembered before being completely enveloped by darkness.

-

When he came to, he was lying down in a room. What he assumed to be a midday light was spilling in from the open window and the breeze swept the curtains gently. He must have been somewhere in the Scouts’ compound. If he made it here, it must have meant that both himself and Mikasa had escaped. But how long had it been since the expedition?

He pushed himself upright and was surprised by the sharp pain that came from his side. Jean lifted the covers and his shirt. His injury had been cleaned and sewn shut, but it still looked pretty gruesome.

“Don’t move too quickly. You’ll open it up.”

Jean seemed to have missed the most important presence in the room. Mikasa sat at the foot of his bed. She seemed to be fine physically, but Jean could see the exhaustion that blighted her features.

He opened his mouth to say something. All of his thoughts flooded in at once. He wanted to ask what had happened and if she was okay. But before any of that, he knew he should thank her.

Before he could settle on anything, a medic stepped into the room.

“Ah, looks like our patient is awake!” She handed a tray of towels and bowl of water down to Mikasa. “I’ll let you do the honors then.” And she was gone just as quickly as she came.

Mikasa set her chair right beside Jean and began to prepare the towels.

“Mikasa, you don’t have to. I’m awake now. I can handle it.”

She just shook her head, gently pressing the soaked towel to his wound. Jean felt a slight jolt from the warmth.

“You’ve been out for three days. The medic said you suffered massive blood loss and a mild concussion. It’s a miracle you survived.”

Mikasa stated the words mechanically. Jean winced, not from the pressure she was now putting on his wound, but because of how completely defeated she looked.

“Mikasa, I’m sorry—”

The bowl slid off of her lap. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and her head rested on one of his shoulders. Mikasa’s voice was quiet.

“Don’t be. I’m just happy you’re alive.”

Jean ran one of his hands up her back, pulling her closer.

“Me too,” he agreed simply.

They held each other like that until Mikasa pulled back. She adjusted herself, leaning her head just far enough forward for her forehead to touch Jean’s.

“Tell me the end of your fairy tale. Properly.”

Jean had a feeling that if he screwed this up, he would probably end up with another concussion. However, unlike the night he had originally told the story, he wasn’t afraid.

“While on the journey to the next kingdom, the army was attacked by a group of dragons. The prince was fatally injured during the fight and knew that his time with the princess was short. So, he confessed his love for her. But, the princess was stubborn and refused to let him die. She ended up saving him and nursed him back to health. Now, the prince is waiting for her reply.”

Mikasa gave a small laugh at that last part. Jean could still see her exhaustion, but the way her eyes wrinkled at the corners as she laughed assured him that she was going to be okay.

“I love you, Mikasa.”

Her eyes opened.

“I love you too, Jean.”

“And they lived happily ever after.”

He closed the distance between their lips.


	11. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words "happily ever after" mean different things to different people.

She had only been trying to reach a book from the top shelf. But before she could get a hold of the spine, her foot slipped and she lost her balance. The shelf teetered forward, dislocating a box from the top. She braced herself, but the the shelf settled back in its place.

The cover of the box had come off during the fall. Papers stacked inside fluttered to the ground. The one exception to this graceful descent was the leatherbound book that smashed into the floor.

She grabbed the nearest paper that lay face down just beside her. There was a sketch of a girl she had never seen before. Her arms were overflowing with bread and one of the loaves hung from her mouth. She flipped over another picture, and the girl was there again, but this time she had company. She had her arm draped over a smaller boy with a shaved head. The boy looked familiar.

She continued to flip over the papers, finding various people and places she had never seen before. Why did her dad keep these things in his office?

She moved on from the papers and turned her focus to the book. It was heavy and intricately decorated, a far cry from any of the other books on the shelves. She had never seen anything like it before.

Unfortunately, its contents were far less interesting. The book was filled with the fairy tales her dad had told her as bedtime stories since she could talk. She had to admit, the paintings were pretty, but the script was hard to make out without her squinting. It wasn’t until the last few pages that she slowed down. The script had changed to print which was much easier to read. But, more than that, the illustrations had changed. She knew immediately who the artist was. It was the same person who had painted the images that decorated their house.

Her mom.

The story wasn’t much of a fairy tale, but she knew that it was an account of how her parents fell in love. Dragons stood in for Titans and knights represented the Scouts. They had told her about it before, but never like this.

She stared at the words on the final page.

And they lived happily ever after.

“Everything alright in there, princess?” Her dad poked her head into the room. “I heard a loud—”

He saw the papers on the floor. He saw the book as well.

“Oh, princess…”

He knelt down beside his daughter as she trembled. She slammed the book shut.

“Everything in that book is a lie. That fairy tale didn’t get a happily ever after.”

She remembered the day her parents had left for an expedition. They had both kissed her on the forehead before departing. The next day only her dad returned. She asked where her mom had gone. Had she stayed back for work?

The look on her dad’s face said it all. She sat outside of his room as he sobbed into her mom’s pillow, quietly whispering her name as if she was there to respond.

That was no happy ending.

He took her into his arms then, holding her still as another shudder racked her body.

“We did live happily ever after. You were born into this world and we got to love you. We couldn’t ask for more.”

He was crying too. She pulled him close.

“I miss her, dad.”

He ran his fingers through her long black hair. He smiled.

“I miss her too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
